You just can’t fix stupid

Jeff Foxworthy says, “You might be a redneck if one of your relatives died after saying, ‘Hey, y’all watch this.’”

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it…

A twenty-two-year-old who was drinking while celebrating the Fourth (or was celebrating the Fourth by drinking) was killed in Maine after setting off a large mortar firework on his head. His friends said it was an accident and that “he wasn’t stupid enough to do something like that.” His mom is calling for better training, and as always, knee-jerk “protect stupid people from themselves” protectors of the Darwin Award candidates are calling for more and better laws.

In 2014, nine people died from firework accidents, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

 First let’s put those nine people in perspective. All made poor choices. Millions of us used fireworks on the Fourth without injury.

In the United States, an average of 49 people are killed each year by lightning, according to NOAA. The number of people killed in recent years has been less: 26 deaths were blamed on lightning in 2014 or almost three times those killed by fireworks.

Already this year two people have died from flesh-eating bacteria after swimming in the ocean. 3533 people die each year from drowning, which is ten each day; 3000 die each year from food poisoning.

The chance of dying or being injured from fireworks is apparently directly connected to stupidity.

Instead of passing new laws against fireworks clip and send the following to any stupid people you know.

Averett’s Guidelines to Avoiding Winning a Darwin Award:

Do not use any explosives near your body.

Do not point any firearm or anything that fires a projectile at yourself or anyone else.

If you do not have wings do not attempt to fly without training.

Your body is built from bones and soft tissue. Sharp tools and similar things will damage it causing your blood to leak out, possibly resulting in death.

Alcohol, drugs and other self-administered substances do not increase your abilities; they impair your judgment. In fact, nothing you do under the influence is as good as you could do sober. This includes but is not limited to singing, dancing, sex, work, conversation….

If you ignore ‘DANGER’ signs you are in danger. That ice cave with the sign “Danger – May Collapse” may collapse. That sign over the waterfall “Slippery When Wet” probably means it is slippery since it is wet. They didn’t mention the 400-foot fall because they thought you should realize it as you climbed to the top.

Just because you are feeling “10 feet tall and bullet proof” you are not.

Don’t feed the bears. This applies to metaphorical bears as well.

Remember Newton’s law: an object in motion remains in motion. This applies to you. The abrupt stop at the end will hurt you.

Gravity always wins.