What’s Your Marriage Mission?

During my years in corporate America, I spent countless hours drafting corporate mission statements and strategic plans.  My experience taught me every successful business, social group, or church has a mission statement.  That is, a set of guiding principles incorporated into a mission statement that provides the basis for their actions and decisions.  Stephen Covey does a great job of describing a mission statement:  “A mission statement is not something you write overnight… But fundamentally, your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values.  It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.”  A mission statement states a purpose and an end goal.  This begs the question, if the company for which you work, the church you attend, the social groups in which you are involved, need to specify what drives them, doesn’t that also apply to your marriage?  Do you think there would be a value in you and your spouse agreeing on the principles and goals of your marriage?  You can probably guess my answer.  Yes.

What is your starting point?  As in any building project, you need a chief architect.  “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” (Psalm 127:1) Then you need to decide the foundation upon which you are building.  “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)  Your starting point decisions set the tone you want for your marriage.  Start by deciding what you are going to put first.

What are your guiding principles; that is, the things that matter most to your spouse and you?  Think of areas such as communication, trust, friendship, parenting, and money.  For example:  We will honor Christ in how we speak to each other, especially when we disagree.  We will build each other up and not use words to tear each other down.  We will listen to understand each other’s feelings, and not listen to win an argument.  We will parent our children out of Christian love.  We will manage our finances to live within our means.

What is on your bucket list; what is your list of dreams?  We want to own a home, to start a business.  We want to have a dozen kids and to save enough to put our kids through college.  I want to retire at 50; but my spouse wants to work until 105.  We want to go into the mission field.  Remember one reason for a mission statement is to keep you focused on what you think is important.  It is best that you and your spouse agree on what is important.

What is your definition of success?  A mission statement should include where you want to end up, your legacy so to speak.  What memories do you want to have?  What are the character qualities for which you want to be remembered?   What values do you want your children and their children to learn from you?

What will it take to accomplish your mission statement?  Your mission statement should address the actions needed to accomplish your mission.  Simply stating in your mission statement that you want a happy marriage will not make it so.  This is the point where you define the actions and commitments that you agree to give to your mission.  These action steps are both ones you jointly accept as well as action steps to which you commit individually.  Action steps can include committing to a weekly date night; to daily telling each other one positive thing; to spending time with each child each day; and/or to going to church together weekly.

A mission statement is not a standardized, unchanging document.  It is personal and changes as your life changes.  Jointly writing a mission statement will help build a communication path between you and your spouse.  Letting life take its course in your marriage without setting priorities and goals leaves your marriage running like a ship without a rudder.  Most likely to end up crashed on the rocks.

You belong now to the household of God. Firmly beneath you is the foundation, God’s messengers and prophets, the corner-stone being Christ Jesus himself.  (Ephesian 2:19)