Tax on Manure a Sure Money Maker

The Sneezeville Social School is having tryouts for a play they are going to perform later this year.

Auditions are open to all students like they are every year. Each student who would like a part in the play can submit a letter explaining who their parents are and how many generations they have lived in Stump County.

Last year we had a newcomer who wanted a part. She transferred from some school named Julliard. None of us could see why being in a bunch of plays in Julie’s yard should mean she should get a part in the play.

Besides, just like last year, all of the parts were assigned long before the tryouts.

A long time ago they did the tryouts just like baseball and gave the parts to the best players.

Some of us thought this worked fine until Elmira Dogbox’s niece didn’t get a part. In case you are new to Stump County, Elmira lives on the remaining two acres of the “Flat Broke but Still Proud Plantation” near Sneezeville.

Her father Ephriam Dogbox was one of the early settlers in Stump County.

When little Ellie, who will one day inherit the plantation, didn’t get a part, anybody could see changes were needed.

Poor little Ellie even skipped her appointment with her phobia counselor to attend the auditions. It was hard enough for poor Ellie what with being scared of people, crowds, dogs, spiders and dust mites to suffer the blow to her self esteem by not getting a part in the play. Anybody could see changes were needed. Otis Sneezleweed, grandson of Sneezeville founder, said, “My Granddaddy didn’t have to try out for parts, my daddy didn’t have to try out for parts, and if it was good enough for them, then it is good enough for me and poor little Ellie.”

Then he added, “Of course, my granddaddy would have gotten a part in the play and my daddy would have gotten a part and I would have gotten a part.”

In other news, the county is considering increasing the tax on horses. On the other hand, they are considering eliminating the tax on manure.

It seems that too many politicians don’t like the current manure tax as it is costing them too much. This is the first time farmers, politicians and newspaper editors have been in agreement in the history of Stump County.