Sneezeville Napoleon

There is a strange guy living in the Sneezeville Hotel. He doesn’t get out much and doesn’t talk to anybody. Well, he didn’t talk to anybody until the excitement over Cletus’ pigpen started. When the town was demonstrating against Cletus’ pig he came running out of the hotel shouting “Revolution”. He wears some sort of fancy uniform that looks like the band directors. He just paced back and forth with his hand in the front of his shirt.

He said, He was the Emperor of France and his name was Napoleon Bony Parts. When I tried to ask him questions, he said he didn’t speak English. This seemed odd to me. I was asking him questions in English. He did pick up one English word at the demonstration. When someone shouted, “this is a town, not a farm.” He picked right up on it. Now he is wandering all over town shouting, “Farm.” Of course, he says it like we all do. “Far-um”

He ought to know better than to get up in a country boy’s face and shout “Farm” or anything else for that matter. It’s just not good manners and when you shout at a country boy, he quits listening.

The next thing that Napoleon fellow will do is start backing dogs into corners and see how long it takes for one of them to take a bite out of him.

His other problem is that he can’t see a stage without jumping on it or a bullhorn without shouting in it. Most of us don’t understand a thing he says except “Farm” The rest of it must be in French or some other language.

Napoleon has also decided to run for town council on the no pigpen platform. He is starting a political party called NOPIGS which stands for Napoleon Opposes Pigs in Greater Sneezeville” He says NOPIGS is an acronym which must be another French word. If he would just put the space back in it would be English and we could understand it.

Several newcomers are trying to teach him more English but the rest of us all know he isn’t Napoleon. He’s Cletus younger brother, Ralph. We knew when he went away he wouldn’t come back the same. Those kids are just too young. They see and do things, no one should ever see. I’ve never seen one that went that didn’t come home different. College just isn’t Sneezeville and you have to expect it.