Reducing the Stress and Anxiety of Court

In the U.S., 40% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% of the children have divorced parents.  That means nearly half of all parents will face a judge in Family Court.  A question recently presented was .. is it possible to manage the stress and anxiety related to a court hearing?  The answer is yes, and Romans 12 provides the roadmap for traveling through this challenge. 

Paul wrote, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  Your ex may be manipulative, angry, hateful, unable to show empathy, and willing to go to any length to make themselves look good and you look bad, but don’t stoop to their level.  Paul does not stop by saying don’t act the same way they do; he gives three actions.  

First, “Bless those who persecute you.  Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.” (Romans 12:14)  

Amid a court fight, this is probably not your first reaction.  How it is possible to bless someone when all they are trying to do is cause you pain?  What does it mean to bless someone?  It doesn’t mean you need to give in to them.  This is more about what is playing in your head.  Are you thinking about getting even or returning their negative behavior in kind?  This is about your peace of mind.  Being angry and resentful is emotionally draining for you.  Continually cursing or thinking ill takes a toll on your emotional health.  By choosing to bless, you focus on your well-being.

You may find that your ex will do anything to get you to react and lose control.  Why give them that power?  Not responding and not getting angry keeps you in control.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protect yourself.  It’s possible to bless someone in your heart while taking steps to ensure your family’s safety and well-being.  It’s about maintaining a balance and setting boundaries.

Second, “Never pay back evil with more evil.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” (Romans 12:17)

The saying, don’t get mad, get even, is half right.  Don’t get mad.  A better expression is … two wrongs don’t make a right.  Paul is not saying to take the hurt but to think before reacting.  Choose your course of action wisely; present your case truthfully, calmly, and positively.   Focus on staying positive and being honest even if your ex is not.  Remember, your goal is to develop a plan for co-parenting your children, not to “win” the battle. 

Third, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21)

When faced with vindictive tactics, it is easy to be emotionally overwhelmed and defeated.  It may seem like there is no end to your ex’s hostile actions.  You are in control of how you allow yourself to handle your feelings. 

When facing hurtful actions, you may feel like you are in a corner facing evil.  Acting the same way only brings more evil into the room.  Your best defense is to bring the power of good into the situation.  Actions based on truth, personal integrity, and reflecting your concern for your children are a powerful offset to the negative influences of others.    

Be open to getting help.  Surround yourself with friends and family who offer emotional support.  A counselor also provides positive reinforcement as you face challenging times. 

Lastly, remember you are setting an example for your children.  Your children are watching.  Your actions affect their feelings.  These three actions, blessing, not retaliating, and focusing on what is good, set an example of maturity and grace for them.  This has long-term benefits for your children’s emotional development and understanding of healthy conflict resolution.  

Navigating a court battle is challenging, even with the best legal support.  However, keeping a positive mindset minimizes anxiety and stress during this time in your life.

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.  Matthew 5:44

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.