Misplaced Riots

By Half Whitt

Here in rural Stump County we are still trying to figure out the television news. Maybe it makes sense to you city folks but as we say here, “That dog just don’t hunt.” I guess maybe you City Folks would say, “It just don’t flush.”

We have two problems here. One is that those TV people seem to think anything they can take a picture of is real news. Then if it somehow can make America look bad then it is really big news. They must have taken Mark Twain seriously when he said, “Just because it isn’t true doesn’t mean it isn’t news.”

The big thing last week was some so-called riots that look more like a rough street party than a riot. The thing we keep watching is hundreds of people in one of them sandy countries protesting because some cartoonist in a place called Daneland drew a picture they don’t like. What “don’t hunt” is they say these people are country people who can’t read or write. So why do they subscribe to a newspaper from another country? Why would they subscribe to a newspaper that they think insults them even if they could read? Then they have “spontaneous” riots where they wave spontaneously printed anti-American signs, printed in English, that oppose the cartoons printed in a Danish newspaper.

What the heck are these poor folks doing with a printing press, and a computer to design anti-American signs? They also have a collection of brand new American flags that they wave and burn spontaneously to oppose the Danish cartoons. What the heck does the good old US of A have to do with what some Dane does on his job? Why don’t they burn a Daneland flag or something? Why don’t they do like we would here in Stump County? If that Dane guy made fun of Stump County, we’d say “don’t like it” and then spit. Spit twice if it really makes you mad.