Let’s Smile

This reporter has shared some of the following before but just refreshed her memory and will give our readers something to smile about.

Did you know that a possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road?  And, there are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.  There are 10,000 types of spiders.  All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it’ll stick ya! If it crawls, it’ll bite cha!  “Onced” and “Twiced” are real southern words.  How many times in your lifetime have you heard someone use them?

“Jawl-P?” means, “Did you all go to the bathroom?”  

People in the South actually grow, eat and like okra and collards.  None of our children will touch them!

“Fixinto” is one word.  It means, “I’m going to do that.”  There is no such thing as lunch.  There is only dinner and then there’s supper.  Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two.  We Southerners like a little tea with our sugar and it is referred to as the “Wine of the South.”

The word “jeet” is actually a question meaning, “Did you eat?”  “Backwards and forwards” means I know everything about you.  You know what a “hissy fit” is!

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.  You work until you’re done or it is too dark to see.  And, you don’t PUSH buttons; you MASH ‘em!

“Ya’ll” is mostly singular.  “All ya’ll” is always plural.  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.  Fried catfish is the other white meat!

You always carry jumper cables in your car – for your OWN car!

You only own five spices:  salt, pepper, mustard, tabasco and ketchup.

Some local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages for local high school sports, the motor sports and gossip.

Everyone you meet is a Darlin’, Honey, Sugar, Baby, or Miss (first name), or Mr. (first name).

You think that the first day of deer season is a National Holiday!  We don’t need no Driver’s Ed.  If our Mama says we can drive, we can drive!  NEVER dispute or say anything bad about Mama!

(I love being Southern! Couldn’t imagine it any other way!)

Now, for some good advice.  Got it off Facebook so it must work.  This is a formula for Mosquito Yard Spray:  Big bottle blue cheap mouthwash, three cups of Epsom salt, three stale 12 oz. cheap beer.  Mix these three ingredients until salt is dissolved.  Put in spray bottle and spray anywhere you sit outside: around pools, porches, decks, etc.  Mosquitoes and bugs hate it.  You only have to spray twice a summer.  Let me know if it works!