If You Do That Again…

How many times have you said that to your preschooler?  Face it – it’s difficult to mete out punishments.  Sometimes it’s because we are involved in something and don’t want to deal with it.  Other times it’s because we’ve been at work all day and don’t want to be the “bad guy.”  It may even be that we aren’t sure HOW to punish a young child.

Children want their parents to be in control, and they want to know that they are deserving of that control.  Therefore, they will test limits at every turn.  Now, if this is developmentally appropriate behavior for your preschooler (or even older child), what do you suppose is an appropriate response on your part?

It certainly is not to yell or scream.  Nor is it appropriate to hit your child.  After all, he is doing what a wee one is “supposed” to do at this particular age.  You have been a child; he has never been an adult.  All he knows how to be is a child and is still working at getting that figured out.

Forgive me for again using my home-based preschool daycare as an example, but I learned so very much from those precious children!  I had rules.  I had a poster with several simple rules.  I made certain that the children knew what my rules were (walking feet inside, be kind, etc.).   After they were comfortable with the rules, I talked about the “consequences” of breaking a rule.

I designated a “hot spot” (others call it “time out” or “thinking chair,” etc.).  It was a spot on the floor where there were no toys, books or TV, and where the child sitting there couldn’t see what was going on with the other children.  I made sure that a two-year-old stayed in the hot spot no more than two minutes, a three-year-old, three minutes, and so on.

When the child settled down, time started.  At the end of the time, I ALWAYS went back to the child and had him tell me what he had done to get placed in the hot spot.  Think about it, a “consequence” can’t improve a negative behavior if the child has no clue what he did to be put there.  I would then tell him, on his level, what he could do the next time to take care of himself without getting put in time-out.  I would suggest that if someone took a toy he was using, to tell them, “I was playing with that first.”  (This cued me in so that I could intercede without the child needing to tattle on his friend.)

I would then tell the child that I didn’t like it when he hurt a friend, but that I would always love HIM.  A big hug followed.  I got some of the sweetest hugs back during those times.  Consistency is critical.  Say what you are going to do, then follow through.  EVERY TIME!  And I would suggest that you pay attention when your child is behaving well and point it out.  Stickers or stamps on the back of the hand are great rewards for this.  Reward good behavior before you have to punish bad behavior.  Happy parenting!

© 2013 Brenda Holland-Robinson