Grand-Brats, 98-Pound Weaklings & My Way

I’ve always said you can have too many children BUT you can’t have too many Grand-Brats. I am delighted to say that G-Brats five and six are in process and should arrive around the end of July. Two of my three Brats are expecting.

Way back when my Bride Management and I were reproducing, I always said I wanted two, twelve or twenty children. That was probably the third issue Management vetoed me on.  I still maintain that the third one implied Management agreed to have twelve but she disagrees. You will notice we stopped at three.

I’ll admit that I sometimes do things without Management’s prior approval but that is one thing I can’t do without her. After all, as I always say, “I spent twenty-nine long and lonely years waiting for her.” That’s a fact in spite of any evidence to the contrary.

So, G-Brat five, who I call Frosty until she gets her own name, should arrive in July with Remy following in August.

Our boy-child and his bride have been childless for a long time and finally resorted to IVF. I didn’t know anything about this process but they finally announced success. What I didn’t know was that part of the process is freezing the embryo until the proper time.  The son announced they had “potential progeny permanently preserved in permafrost” which is why I call her Frosty. 

The Girl Child announced number five is on the way. Remy is a reference to some cartoon (I think) where someone says “what’s one more, just throw it on the pile.”

Keep it up Brats, you just can’t have too many Grand-Brats or Joneses for that matter.

I have a habit of naming everything. Cars, trucks, buildings, everything, If it is mine, I name it. That is everything except our driveway. The only reason that hasn’t happened is I never thought of a good name.  I toyed with Jones Boulevard and a few other names but nothing clicked.  I was leaning on Fast Lane except my fast lane isn’t fast anymore.

Then last week I suddenly realized that as always I would do it my way.  So I have officially named our private drive “My Way.” As soon as I get a sign made, when I am giving directions I can say, “When you get to the top of the hill turn left. There are only two options.  It is MY Way or the Highway.

I am still on my losing weight project with only ten pounds or so to go. A friend of mine, who was about my own youthful age, was recently sick and lost a lot of weight. He noticed he had washboard abs which he hadn’t seen in 40 years. I told Management that if I ever had washboard abs (instead of gallon of milk abs) I was going to show them to everyone.

Way back in my “before Management days” when I was the official 98-pound weakling (I think Charles Atlas used my picture in his “before” ads) I had a lady friend who made fun of the fact that I was skin, bones and gristle. She would say things like, “You have a string hanging off your sleeve, no wait, that’s your arm” and “You have washboard abs, no wait, that’s your spine.”  She had an evil streak.

I finally discovered that skinny as I was I could do just as much as the big guys. I could lift my own weight just like they could. Then I had the misfortune to work with some weight lifters. They had muscles on their muscles. Some of them could easily lift me over their heads and press me until I starved to death BUT they couldn’t keep up when it came to getting the job done.

On the other hand their muscles impressed the ladies while mine didn’t.

This brings us back to my “29 long and lonely years” before Management. In my long and lonely search for Management I did spend some time with some very nice, attractive and interesting ladies.  How else would I find Management if I didn’t look?  There were even several who I thought might be Management material but I was mistaken.

Keep in mind that lonely and alone are totally different things. It is possible to be lonely in a crowd.

I have never said I was alone during those 29 long and lonely years, just that I was lonely. That’s a fact. An Averett without Management is incomplete.