Global Heating In Stump County

A big city scientist just came to Stump County to do some research on Global Heating.  This guy is the real thing.  He has had papers published on some other climate issues and you just can’t argue with his opinions, I mean, you can’t argue with his research.

He says he is going to determine if the rise of carbon in the air is causing the world to get warmer or if the earth is getting warmer and it is causing the amount of carbon in the air to increase and if ice is what causes it to get colder in the winter.

He had a paper published last year stating his theory that ice causes it to get colder in the winter.  He started out with what we all already know: if you put ice in your soda pop it gets colder.  His theory is that the more ice we have the colder it is.  He doesn’t know why it happens anymore than he knows why the earth is warming and the amount of carbon in the air is increasing but you can’t argue that ice and cold weather happen at the same time.

He got a big old fat grant from the Stimulus funds.  He says he has created some jobs by hiring folks to sit around water and watch to see when ice forms, and then they check the temperature.  He says his research has proved that every time ice forms the temperature is 32 degrees.  He also says the more ice that forms, the colder it is.  Then when the ice melts it gets warmer.

He could have saved a lot of money if he had just asked us.  We all know that when the block of ice in the icebox melts it quits keeping the food cold.

He is doing a lot of his research at the Yak n Snack restaurant.  He keeps mixing crunched up ice, rum, sugar and lime in a glass.  He calls them a daiquiri, which we guess is a scientific term for something. He asked us to help with his research.  There is no doubt that when you drink a couple of them you get cold at first and then you get warm all over.  We all expected scientific research was going to be boring but once you get into the research things get pretty lively.  They are pretty tasty too.

Now we understand why all of those scientists wanted to go to Copenhagen for that Global Heating conference.