Finding Your Safe Place

What do you do when you are worried, scared, or anxious?  Have you tried the technique of creating a picture in your mind of a safe place to replace your harmful thoughts?

What is a safe place?  Simply put, a mindful safe place is an emotional sanctuary, a refuge you use to recover stability during times of stressful feelings.  This tool helps to cope when anxiety or tension begins to build.  The safe place coping technique enables you to deal emotionally with many life issues, such as toxic people, excessive worries, depression, daily struggles, and high-stress situations.  

So how do you find your safe place?  Try this exercise. 

Find a quiet, private place where you can sit comfortably and upright.  Close your eyes.  Now, 10 times breathe deeply through your nose and slowly breathe out through your mouth.   

In your mind, picture yourself relaxing.  What images do you see?  Are you indoors or outdoors?  What people are around you?  Or, are you alone?  Are there specific sounds or smells?  Are you picturing a place you know or an imagined location?

A safe place can be a favorite event, returning to when you felt safe and happy.  It may be something you enjoy doing: listening to music, drawing, taking a walk, or sitting by the ocean watching the waves.  Your safe place may involve people: walking with a friend, going to a concert, or a supportive conversation.  This thought is unique to you.

Write down your description of the safe place in your journal.  Over several days, in your private location, repeat this exercise.  Note in your journal how you feel when you think about your safe place.  Repeat this exercise until you can quickly bring it to mind. 

Part Two of the exercise is identifying your triggers and practicing the exercise.  This part of the exercise aims to build muscle memory, to reinforce the ability to recall the calm, peaceful feelings you get in a safe place.  The goal is to provide a technique to move away from a negative emotional response.  This allows you to set a boundary in your mind when a trigging event occurs between the unwanted and the healthy reactions.  You have a place to step to when you are scared, anxious, or worried.  When faced with hurts from past trauma or a stressful situation, retreating to a safe place in your mind will help you deal with your negative emotions. 

The 23rd Psalm, written by David when he was running for his life and hiding out in caves, is an excellent example of creating a safe place.  David starts by identifying someone he can trust.  (The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want).  He does not let his anxiety grow to panic but focuses on how God cares for him.  (He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.)

David reveals that he struggles with the hard things happening to him.  However, David follows by expressing how he deals with these events and even is comfortable with them.  Your safe place can include those who support you through the hard times.  Look for the ways that God comforted you.  (Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.)

David’s closes his vision of a safe place by presenting an image of how he is currently taken care of and David’s hopes.  Psalm 23 describes a safe place with support from the past, help in the present situation, and confidence for future well-being.  (You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.) 

In six verses, David lays out his safe place.  Your Biblical Counselor will support you while you build your safe place to deal with your triggers and walk with you as you face your daily challenges.

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.