Cannelloni, the Duck, and My Cheap Friend Kelly

For several years I had a pet duck named Cannelloni.  To be absolutely accurate, Cannelloni was a plastic decoy duck. That being said, he was more fun than almost any pet I’ve ever had.

Cannelloni had a defect that made him less than successful as a decoy. For that reason his original hunter owner gave him to me. Cannelloni turned out to be a perfect pet. For the first month or so he didn’t have a name. He was just “the duck.”

What happened first was I kept the duck in my work truck for company. Occasionally I would take him with me on a job. Tool bag in one hand, the duck in the other. He wasn’t much help since he couldn’t hand me tools but I enjoyed having him around.

Then, one day he either ran away or was kid -er- make that duck-napped.  Three days later he reappeared sitting on the counter of a local business. It turned out he had been there for three days.

I immediately laid the blame for the disappearance on a friend of mine who often worked on the same jobs as I.  The following day we (the friend and I, not the duck) stopped for lunch at the local Italian restaurant.  He ordered Cannelloni. When the waitress brought his order I had conspired for her to bring him the duck on a pizza tray and serve it to him.

He was successfully surprised. When we left he took the duck, now named Cannelloni, with him and the game began.

A few days later I found Cannelloni sitting on an electrical service panel.

The friend went to repair a well pump and found Cannelloni floating in the bottom of the well.

I found Cannelloni on top of a house.  He found Cannelloni in the crawl space under a house.

I found Cannelloni in my chicken pen. He found Cannelloni tied to his horse’s back.

It looked like this could go on forever. Then I got really creative. Friend was going on a motorcycle trip to Florida. I express mailed Cannelloni to his cousin who hid him in a saddle bag. I couldn’t believe how expensive it was to ship a duck but it was worth it. When he arrived in Key West, Cannelloni was waiting for him.

For the next week I received pictures of Cannelloni at tourist stops, bike rallies, bars and restaurants.

I came in from work one day and Cannelloni was floating in our whirlpool complete with bubbles and some little rubber ducky friends, relaxing from his trip.

Shortly after that the friend got married and moved and I hadn’t heard from him or Cannelloni since. 

Last week Cannelloni showed up when I was cleaning a shed.

Is there anyone out there who wants to restart Cannelloni’s travels?  With all of the technology available I can set up a Cannelloni’s Travels web page or something. You can take him on a trip and send me a picture or two at the stops. Then when you are heading home, pass him off to another weird person who will do the same.

It could be fun. Besides, I am sure Cannelloni is restless after staying in the shed for several years and needs to migrate.

My friend Kelly died a few weeks ago. I’m going to miss him.  I met Kelly years ago at one of the customer appreciation days where they were giving out free lunch. Then I found I was bidding against him for cheap stuff at several auctions. Kelly was cheap, not that that is bad, I consider it a compliment.

After that Kelly would call me anytime there was free food somewhere. He would also bring me a biscuit when there was a “two fer” special at Burger King and I did the same for him. Neither of us could resist the “deal” and neither of us could eat two.

The only issue we had was which biscuit to give the other.  If one biscuit was three dollars but they were “two for four” do you give your friend the three dollar biscuit or the dollar one?  That is important but we never figured it out.

We also looked for “deals” for each other. Once he found me a set of overhead cabinets for our basement at an auction for a dollar for the set. They fit perfectly, the cutouts were even in the right places for the sink and fridge.  I did have to fuss at Kelly because they were ½ inch short and he didn’t bring me the trim strip. I told him for a whole dollar I expected more. He even delivered them.

Once we were helping with a fundraiser stew. All of us agreed we couldn’t eat another bite. Then we noticed there was one bowl left and four crackers. Kelly stepped up and choked down the last bowl.  I asked “Why are all of my friend’s cheap (expletives)?” The friends all replied in unison, “Because Jones, YOU are a cheap (expletive).”  How rude was that?

I went to Kelly’s funeral for the free food in his memory.

Rest in peace my cheap friend.