Breaking Harmful Habits

Have you struggled with breaking harmful habits?  Jeni Baker, a Celebration Recovery national leader, describes this as the habit cycle: “Life is filled with hurts, and if we don’t authentically walk through them with Jesus, we can develop hang-ups, and those hang-ups can lead to destructive habits.”  Our unresolved hurts and hang-ups lead us into harmful habits as coping mechanisms to deal with our pain.  Our coping mechanisms include drug, alcohol, or substance abuse, anger, codependency, relationship addiction, eating disorders, misaligned self-esteem, control issues, gambling addiction, and even social media/online-shopping addiction.

We can all devise a list of behaviors we want to change.  How often have you told yourself you need to exercise more, get in shape, lose weight, set a spending budget, start saving money, pay off your debt, stop fighting with your family, be more relaxed, or spend more time studying the Bible?  Or does your list of wishful lifestyle changes include: wasting less time, overcoming a porn habit, being more focused, less distracted, more present, volunteering more at church, watching less TV, spending less time on the internet, or something else?

In the past, have you started this change process by coming up with a few behaviors you will stop or start doing: I will no longer eat chocolate, skip French fries, join a gym, not lose my temper, or join a Bible study?  Only to find within a short time, you are back to your old habits.  You hear yourself saying, “I do not understand it; I just keep doing what I say I am not going to do anymore.”  You return to your old habits or practices no matter how committed you are. 

Would you be surprised to know that the Apostle Paul had the same struggle?  In writing to the Christians living in Rome, Paul lamented, “I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15 NKJV)  

You are not alone in this repetition of echoing old patterns, moving through the same old cycles.  Listen to Paul’s moans, “I do not understand what I do.”  Todd Perelmuter advises us to first start with our thoughts to exit this cycle: “We’re either making good or bad habits.  We’re either training our minds to be unfocused and unhappy, or we are training our brain to find peace and happiness within.”  

Taking the time and putting in the effort to dig deep to understand why we do what we do, helps change the cycle of doing the same things over and over again.  Grasping the reasons why we do what we do and our triggers is foundational to changing our behavior.  We must remove the masks we are hiding behind and look inside at our woundings.  As the saying goes, you can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.  By removing our mask or veil, we can find the underlying cause of our behavior.  God can then begin the transformation process in us.  As Paul said, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

We also need to take every thought captive.  Most of us do not realize this truth: thoughts spearhead feelings, and feelings steer behaviors.  That is why starting with changing behaviors usually ends in failure.  Understanding your thoughts and stuffed emotions is central to the process of change.   

Going deep to understand your thoughts and feelings is a complicated process.  However, uncovering your hurts and hang-ups is crucial to changing your life.  Do not hesitate to find a Biblical counselor who will walk with you as you work to change your life.

 I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!   Romans 7:15,18,25

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.