The Road of Grief

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

How did you feel when you heard that Arnold Palmer died?  What were your emotions when you heard that Jose Fernandez died in a boating accident?  Did you grieve?  The TV reports on both men’s death showed very different reactions to the feelings created by these men’s passing.

Many describe grief as a journey.  Each step of the journey is very personal and can seem without a clear direction at times.  The process of grieving cannot be ordered, hurried, controlled, pushed aside, or ignored.  You may have heard grief may be postponed, but it will not be denied.

The word grief comes from the French word “grève,” meaning a heavy burden.  A broad, academic look at grief is grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind.  Grief is caused by conflicting feelings created by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.  Grief’s physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual implications can seem overwhelming at times.

Maya Angelou looks at death and the conflicting feelings she had in her poem.

“When I think of death, and of late, the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in this valley of strange humors.  I can accept the idea of my own demise, but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else.  I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return.  Disbelief becomes my close companion, and anger follows in its wake.  I answer the heroic question ‘Death, where is thy sting?’ with  ‘it is here in my heart and mind and memories.’”

While studies have shown that we may share emotional responses to grief, we need to be careful in looking for normal reactions.  Everyone works through the stresses caused by a loss differently.  Some are instantly devastated; others feel numb and disconnected.  Some withdraw socially, while others reach out for support.  For many, when the initial shock subsides, a deeper sense of reality and misery sets in.  Those who grieve may need to learn new skills, adopt different habits, and adjust to daily life without the physical presence of the person who died.

Each person sets his or her own pace when grieving.  There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish.  The first few days after a loved one dies are generally the most intense, marked by chaos, strong emotions, and a dreamlike sensation.  Over time, a host of emotions may emerge.  From guilt to remorse to anger, reactions vary from person to person.  It is not uncommon for grieving loved ones to ask questions like Why did this happen?  Where was God?  Or why didn’t the doctors find the cancer sooner?

Among those mourning a death, some find the pain diminishes within weeks or months.  They arrive at a place of acceptance, peace and hope for the future.  They reminisce about their deceased loved one instead of feeling consumed by memories.  For others, the healing process persists and it is difficult to enjoy a reasonable quality of life.  Everyday events and significant life markers are painful reminders of what could have been.

The grieving process can be difficult, it is crucial to accept support rather than grieve alone.  Talking about grief is an essential part of healing.  Receiving reassurance and feeling understood will help make the recovery process more complete during one of life’s most challenging times.  The first step in grieving should be to find the support you need in friends, your minister, or seeking help from a counselor.  Remember even Jesus wept and grieved at the death of his friend Lazarus.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

ppp

Call us with your feedback; our phone number is 434-808-2637.