The Perfect Christmas Present

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Are you looking for that perfect Christmas present?  Have you tried Amazon, Ebay, and even Short Pump Mall while still coming up empty?  Here is an idea.  Find a picture of you and your loved one, put it in a nice frame and write a note wherein you promise to show your love to him or her every day of 2018.  Ok, I can hear you say, “Great but how do I do that?”  Here are several ways you can weave more love through your relationship.

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions” 1 John 3:18.  I love you is not just a statement; it is a call to action that requires that every day you give your time, energy, and focus to your loved one.

Time

Love requires a time commitment.  How often are you willing to do what your loved one wants?  This does not mean just saying, “Ok, you do what you want to do and I will do what I want to do.”  When is the last time you made a time commitment to your loved one to do what he or she wanted to do and actually joined in with him or her on a favorite activity?

The action of love includes being intentional in spending time together.  There are 168 hours in a week, about 110 waking hours.  If you spend 10 hours a week relating, talking, interacting, it would only be 10% of your waking hours.  The other 90% you can spend on routine life activities.  Part of your Christmas present could be the promise to intentionally step away from the steering wheel, grocery cart, laptop, laundry room, etc. to dedicate time to connect with each other.

For 2018, your Christmas gift could include the commitment to a specific time when your loved one can pick the activity.  For example, every Thursday night, your loved one has full control over what both of you do – together.

Energy

Gary Chapman’s book “Five Love Language” presents the proposal that we all have a defined love language.  He outlines five love languages that are ways to express and experience love.  The five love languages are gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

For 2018, your Christmas gift could include applying your energy to find out your loved one’s love language.  (Hint: www.5lovelanguages.com has an easy to complete questionnaire that will let you know his or her love language.)  And, a commitment to use your energy to change your communication with your loved one to include using his or her love language as often as possible.

Focus

Where is your focus?  Is it on your loved one; that is, do you care more about him or her than you do yourself?  We all have imperfections but somehow it is easier to notice the imperfections in others than in ourselves.  Have you heard the saying “the pen is mightier than the sword”?  The power of the words you speak can be either wonderful or terrible.  When we lose focus on what we are saying, it is easy for our words to be as sharp as swords to our loved ones.  Our actions are important, but loving words are just as crucial to showing our love.

For 2018, your Christmas gift could include a commitment to focusing on your loved one’s perfections, ignoring his or her imperfections and using only kind words.

As Alabama says:

It’s that time of year when the whole world is heart to heart
You can feel love all around you, you can see it everywhere

Christmas is love, it’s in the songs we’re singing
Christmas is love, it’s families comin’ home
Christmas is love, it’s on the children’s faces
Christmas is love

Merry Christmas

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

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Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.