Rooting Out Bitterness

What is bitterness?  It is a deep-seated feeling of ill will that is as sharp as an arrow. This mental or emotional state disintegrates or eats away a person’s sense of peace and well-being.  Bitterness is a state of mind where a person intentionally holds on to an offense, resentment, or hostility while prepared to unleash anger.  When we succumb to bitterness, we allow it to rule our lives.   

Bitterness leads to explosive emotions.  With bitter feelings toward another person, it is easy to fall into being slanderous toward that person, that is, venting your grievances to anyone who will listen.  Falling into the slander pit can infect a person with malice.  Thus, the path of bitterness leads to slander, then to nastiness, building to intense hatred, all of which can lead to thoughts of harm and vengeance.  

Do you know anyone who won’t let go of bitter feelings?  Feelings that are the result of a very real specific event that happened to that person.  Can you see how resentment, pain, scorn, hostility, and bad blood fill the person?  Have you witnessed how the spirit of bitterness crept into all areas of his/her life?

Bitterness is as old as the Bible.  In fact, this is one of the first negative emotions pictured in the Bible.  Do you remember the story of the brothers Cain and Able?   Cain gets mad at Abel because Cain believes Abel, unfairly, gets preferential treatment. So Cain allows his bitterness to grow until he ends up killing Abel.   

Cain and Abel’s story vividly demonstrates the injurious character of unresolved feelings that festered into bitterness.  No one starts with unresolved hurt feelings and with the conscience intent to become bitter.  However, bitterness can grow to a stranglehold that is impossible to break.  

Secular psychology recognizes the harmful consequences of bitterness.  It is recognized that a feeling of helplessness and unfairness is a component of bitterness.  A person struggling with bitterness holds the opinion that everything is out of his or her control.  Psychology acknowledges that bitterness causes trauma symptoms like sleeplessness, fatigue, and lack of motivation.  If left unaddressed, emotional bitterness can also lead to low self-confidence, negative personality shifts, and an inability to have a healthy relationship.  

The goal of psychology is to help a person replace this negative emotion.  Help is defined as the person accepting that what happened cannot be changed or undone, while the person takes steps to move away from the pain and to move forward in life.

There is no place for bitterness and its associated emotions in a healthy life.  The Bible tells us, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)  Do not forget when we chose not to forgive that the devil is an expert at taking a foothold.  Making every effort towards peace means there is little room for resentment to build up in our relationships.  It doesn’t mean you’ll never feel irked or frustrated.  We live in a world where things go wrong.  People do bad things from minor issues where we are rubbed the wrong way to significant harmful actions.  It does, however, mean that when these feelings bubble up, we need to conquer them quickly.

Your first step is to think about the grievances you’re harboring and acknowledge the pain.  Understanding and accepting the hurt opens the door to working through the pain.  Next, a very needed step is praying for strength to move forward.  Prayer provides the power to bolster you when you are tempted to (and you will be) stop the work of moving away from bitterness.  This is not an easy journey; don’t reject finding support or the help of a Christian counselor.   Finding the right person can be immensely useful.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness, no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  Hebrews 12:14-15

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.