National Purposeful Parenting Month

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Did you think that July 4th was the only event this month?  No, the Department of Health and Human Services declared July as the National Purposeful Parenting Month.  In a nutshell, HHS defines purposeful parenting as preparing children to achieve the best life possible by parents being active and engaged in a strong and healthy relationship with their children.

Sounds like a good concept, right?  However, how do you accomplish this if you are a divorced parent and struggling with co-parenting?  Summer vacation is a time when your kids look forward to fun, with less demands on their time.  Unfortunately, as a parent, summer vacation can present exactly the opposite picture for you with more demands on your co-parenting skills.  Here are several pointers to help you with the summer struggles of co-parenting.

Plan Ahead.  You are trying to coordinate three schedules and desires for the summer: yours, your children’s co-parent and your children’s.  The best time to develop the schedule is before summer begins but it is never too late to plan.  Set up a time when you can talk with your co-parent.  Be realistic about the various needs for the summer.   

Start With Agreeing on the Rules.  The rules you set for the school year may need adjustment.  As co-parents, you both need to come up with summertime rules.  For example, how will camp or attending Vacation Bible School affect visitation?  Are your kids involved in a sports league that requires schedule adjustments?  How will you handle requests for your kids to spend time with friends?  Even if you’ve had the discussion before, you should revisit how to handle summer events such as birthdays, and other parties.  It is essential that you agree on as much as possible ahead of time, such as, who is responsible for transportation to parties and who purchases any gifts.

Set Childcare Plans.  A big issue during the summer can be childcare.  Do you, as co-parents, agree on whether or not the children are not old and mature enough to stay home alone?  Have you discussed childcare options?  You may have family members who would love to watch your children.  Do you both find that person acceptable?

Determine What Costs Will Be Shared. Summer programs can get expensive.  Camp, sports leagues, art programs and the cost for new summer clothes can add up quickly.  Outline as part of your purposeful parenting plan summer-related expenses as best you can.

Remain Flexible. Ideally, you will have a predetermined summer schedule that you, your co-parent, and your kids all understand.  However, your need to be able to deal with the reality that things will happen that derail even the best-laid plans.  You need to prepare to handle unexpected situations as calmly and politely as possible.  Flexibility ensures you maintain the schedule as best you can, without rigidity becoming detrimental to your children.  Summer vacation may mean your children will spend an extended period away.  After seeing your children every day, suddenly, they may be gone for weeks.  During this time, be mindful of your emotions.  Take care of yourself emotionally, especially when co-parenting for the first time.

It is Not a Competition!  Face it; it is easy to be tempted to compete, overtly or covertly, with your co-parent.  If needed, rein in your impulse to compete.  Your children will benefit most from quality time with both parents over the summer.  This is a great time to teach your children about graceful conflict resolution and respecting their elders.  If needed, look for a neutral person to help both of you design and carry out your summer plan.

Watching your children grow and being part of their summer fun is wonderful.  If you are unprepared, your opportunity to make great memories may get lost in the stress and confusion.  Your best chance of squeezing in all the family time and activities you want is by properly planning with your co-parent.

How does a man become wise?  The first step is to trust and reverence the Lord!  Listen to your father and mother.  What you learn from them will stand you in good stead; it will gain you many honors.  Proverbs 1:7-9 (LTB)

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Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.