Mexicans Plant Themselves, Presidential Non-Advice And Failing another IQ test

Years ago I brought home a couple of sprigs of summer poinsettia from a job. I planted them in a small bed with a border of railroad ties around them and forgot about them. For several years the little garden was filled with them. Then they started escaping.  Now they are everywhere.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

Apparently they jumped the border, swam the fish pond and snuck into every suitable place they can live. I just looked them up on line and they are also called Mexican Fire plant. That explains a lot. I’m beginning to feel some sympathy for the President.

Those Mexican fire plants jumped over the border, swam across the border, dug under the border and ran around the border. I have been told that this is the reason some countries don’t have Olympic teams.  Everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America.

I’m a big fan of immigration in my garden and my country.  I believe new blood adds variety and hybrid vigor.  I believe those plants tough enough to survive being snatched up from their native soil, transplanted into a new and strange place, and not only survive, but thrive, are an asset, a good thing.

But there have to be some limits. I don’t want my entire yard filled with Mexican fire plant. Now I have a problem. It just seems wrong to pull up a pretty and useful plant and throw it away. I can’t return the excess to the woman who gave it to me because she has the same problem. I’ve hired some border guards to pull them up but when I stop the adult plants they toss their seed over the border.

I’m afraid they are going to be like Kudzu and take over my little world.  I kind of like the natural variety I already have.

I am obviously not opposed to summer poinsettia; after all, I invited them in and helped them get established.  A reasonable number of them are an asset. I just want them to follow the same rules as the rest of the plants in the yard. I want them to assimilate and contribute, not take over.

Now I understand they weren’t happy where they were. The soil was bad and life was hard. BUT it is my yard and they should respect my rules and wishes.  I should get to decide how many of them move to my yard, how they move, when they move and how long they stay.

If the President gets HIS immigration problem fixed maybe he’ll give me a call with some advice.  My concern is that he’ll just tell me to leave them alone and let them do whatever they want.  He might even pass an executive order forcing me to let them stay. He might even go so far as an executive order forcing me to fertilize and care for them until he decides what to do.

My gosh, he might even give them citizenship.

Last night I took a little IQ test put out by Mensa. I’ve always avoided IQ tests because I’m pretty sure I don’t have one.  Mensa is the organization for so-called geniuses. In any case, I didn’t do well on the test but it wasn’t my fault. My answers were correct, they just didn’t accept them.

One math question involved multiplying and dividing by the “number of mittens the kittens lost.”  My answer was zero. There weren’t any real kittens and they didn’t really lose mittens.  I remember from my third time in fifth grade that anything times zero is zero.

The next question was, “There are three words that can be spelled with the letters mrneia. Do you know what they are?  “My answer was “No, I don’t.”  That was also correct. The question didn’t ask what they were. They made a statement and asked if I knew the answer and I didn’t.

You’d think a bunch of geniuses could come up with better test questions than those.