Learning Trust

L.R. Knost, author of several wonderful books on gentle/attachment parenting, says, “Trust isn’t a bad habit.  It’s a good foundation for a healthy relationship.”

Suppose for a moment that your spouse or a good friend was in the habit of lashing out/hitting you when you displeased him/her.  Consider that you may not be aware of what you might do or say that will cause this harsh physical reaction.  I think you would not feel very safe around either of these folks.  You would cease to trust them.

Yet, for many of us, we create this very situation with our own wee child.  Children by their very nature are spontaneous beings.  They are still in the process of learning what is expected of them.  Their behavior is on automatic.  They do what they do when they do it.  They certainly don’t have the reasoning power to plan out how to best behave to get a parent or guardian to hit them.  And therefore, cannot plan out what to do/how to behave to keep it from happening.

And make no mistake, spanking is hitting.  We may wrap it in whatever pretty paper we choose, but when all is said and done, it is an adult hitting a very young child.  A child needs and indeed deserves to trust his caregivers so that he can safely learn about the world without fear that he will get hit if he makes a mistake.

Learning for preschoolers comes through many avenues, one of them being repetition.  If your child takes a toy from another, you tell him that it isn’t kind to take toys from friends.  You do this over and over again; reminding him each time that he would not/does not like it when someone takes a toy with which he was playing.   You then have him return the toy and tell him he may have a turn when his friend finishes with it.  He will, over time, learn that he must wait; he will learn empathy, patience, tolerance, etc., in the process.

Work hard at teaching your wee one that he can trust you to always be there for him and that he never has to fear that you will hit him if/when he makes mistakes.  I’m grateful that I don’t have to fear that I may get hit when I make mistakes.  I certainly make my share of them.

I hope you had a wonderful Easter weekend.  The weather was perfect to remind us all that spring is a time of joyous renewal.  The flowers, birds, and all living things give us hope that life continues and we have yet another chance to get it right…or more right than we have previously.  It reminds us, also, to thank the One who provides.

Happy Springtime!  Happy Gentle Parenting!

©2015 Brenda Holland-Robinson