I Can Stop Anytime

Sally looked at her husband putting just a pinch between his cheek and gum and let out a huge sigh.  Clayton looked at her knowing exactly what she was thinking and said, “Oh honey, don’t worry I can stop anytime.”

Webster defines addiction as a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble).  You can change the interaction between Sally and Clayton to be about alcohol, drugs, porn, or any other addictive actions.  Everyone knows that drugs, alcohol, and other addictive actions are not good for them.  So you ask, why we start “using.”

 First pride, then the crash – the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.  (Proverbs 16:18 (MSG) Our ego lets us think we are in control; yup, I can stop anytime.  The reality is we can’t control our addiction.  Addiction is a habit as well as change in brain chemistry.  Your addictive habits engrain themselves in your life and it is harder and harder to change the addictive habit.  As the addictive habit strengthens, you find the normal activities of life becoming harder to handle.  Your habit becomes more important than meeting your obligations.  Your pride helps you find excuses for ignoring your kids.  It is common for people, affected by addictions, not to realize how badly their life has deteriorated.  The destructive nature and changes in your brain chemistry happen slowly in small ways and build on themselves over time.

People don’t start out with the thought of turning control of their life over to their addictions.  A few years ago, a client came into the office.  His wore a suit that at one time had been a very good suit.  He took out a worn leather wallet.  He told me about his great job and his great family.  He showed a picture of a smiling family, a couple with three kids.  He then went on to say they had all turned on him, he had lost his job and he now lived on the street.  His biggest complaint was that his boss and his family did not accept that he could quit drugs and drinking if he needed to quit.  He was living on the street but would not go to the Salvation Army; again because they would not let him spend the night if he was drinking.

In many places, Scripture warns us about the negative outcomes of being prideful.  God created us with the basic intelligence to build the skills needed in life.  One skill we need to build is an understanding of our limitations.  This addiction process subtlety moves into our lives until it is too strong to escape without help.

In the Garden of Eden, the serpent appealed to Adam and Eve’s pride.  In the same way, we can fall into addictive behavior.  We ignore the danger facing us.  We convince ourselves it is our right.  Everyone around us can tell us that what we are doing is unhealthy; but our pride tells us we can handle “it” and we deserve “it”.

Addiction changes our brain chemistry.  For many of us, it is impossible to overcome the effects of an addiction without help.  The final influence of pride is to keep us from asking for help.  We are told that a wise man is one who heeds counsel (Proverbs 12:15 (NKJV)).  Nevertheless, it is hard to admit to ourselves we have problem, much less ask other others for help.  We worry about what people will say, will they judge us, will they think less of us.

Our pride and vanity can get in the way of reaching out for the help we need, from God and others.  We forget that two are better than one. If one falls down, one can help the other up.  How can one keep warm alone? (Eccl. 4:9-11)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6 NIV)

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin, Hope for Tomorrow Counseling Center.  Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.