Education in Stump County

Here we are in little old Stump County living about a hundred years behind the rest of the country but we are trying hard to move forward. The latest thing we hear from Washing Town is about school vouchers.   Some of the big shots are against them. The way it works is instead of having to go to the school nearest your home you can use the voucher to send your kids to another school. We have two public schools in Stump County.  The Better School in Sneezeville and the Poore School in Pooreville.  Then there is the private school where all of the politicians’ kids go to school. The Better School was first named The Moore Better School after Mr. Moore and Mr. Ledbetter.  Then Mr. Moore got caught… uh, never mind, you know that story. Everyone in Pooreville is descended from old Sebastian Poore except Manual Labor, our only undocumented migrant worker.  We all just call all of them the Poore folks.  Some of the big shots are all against vouchers.   Ivory Tower, head of the State Department of Education, explained it this way: “Look, we have Poore kids and Sneezeville kids.  The Poore kids go to The Poore School with the Poore buildings and Poore teachers. They will receive a Poore education. They will receive Poore diplomas and go on to get Poore jobs. They will marry Poore spouses and have Poore children. See how well it works? “If they went to The Better School and got a Better diploma then we wouldn’t have any use for the Poore schools and we would have to lay off the Poore teachers and close the Poore schools. “If we lay off the Poore teachers then they won’t vote for us and we’ll be replaced. And if the Poore children get better jobs they won’t need public assistance so we won’t be able to buy their votes by increasing the assistance and we’ll be replaced. “The other thing to remember is OUR children don’t go to The Poore School because they aren’t Poores. If we get replaced and lose our good jobs and have to move to Pooreville then our children will have to go to The Poore School.  Then The Poore School will be even more overcrowded and we’ll have to build another Poore school. “I don’t know why you think you should be able to take this away from the poor folks. “The reason we were elected is so we can make decisions for Poore people. If they start making their own decisions like where to send their children to school, who knows where it will end. Their kids might go to The Better School and one day they might get a better job than my kids. “You just need to remember to be politically correct. Poore people are poor folks and you have no right to try to make them into something different. If you bigoted, narrow-minded conservatives have your way, there won’t be any poor folks or poor illegal immigrants and I’ll have to cut my own grass, clean my own house and drive my own car or even worse, I might have to get a job where I am evaluated by my results.”