Do What I Say, Not What I Do

Have you ever heard that said?  Has anyone ever said it to you?  Have you said it to someone?  Most of us will probably answer yes to at least one of those questions.  At first it seems like a fair statement.  If a friend is doing something considered dangerous and says that to you, you may think that friend is trying to save you from a negative outcome.

Or, if you are doing something that may cause trouble, you may say it to someone you care about so that you won’t feel responsible should that person follow your lead and end up paying a heavy price for something he or she learned from you.

Now, think about your preschooler, or any young child for whom you have responsibility.  What, first of all, is going to have more impact?  What she hears you saying or what she sees you doing?  Developmentally, preschoolers often won’t understand your words and tend to repeat what they see you do.

For example, your wee one sees Daddy go to the refrigerator and gulp down milk out of the container. Daddy notices his offspring observing his inappropriate behavior and tells his child to never do that.  When that precious one looks into the face of her daddy and says, “But, Daddy, you do it,” and then hears her hero say, “Do what I say, not what I do,” when she becomes older, which behavior is she likely to copy?

How does this relate to other behaviors?  I love nature.  Now, if my wee ones had heard me say that I love the beautiful world God made for us, but had seen me always being disrespectful of God’s gifts, what attitude, do you suppose, I could have expected from those same children?

In the same way, we need to be mindful of what our children learn from our actions.  Teaching your young child that lying and stealing are unacceptable behaviors, and then they hear you telling someone an untruth.  Explaining that taking things that don’t belong to her is wrong, but then she sees you pick up a bill you see on the floor, put it in your purse in a store without making an effort to locate its owner.  In her young mind, which lesson is more likely to impress her?

You feel that child-rearing is the responsibility of both parents, but you recognize your little princess only sees her mommy in that roll; cooking, cleaning, giving baths, shopping, helping siblings with homework, as well as going to work outside the home five days a week.  She hears you arguing with her daddy to help with chores.  You may even say many times to her that her daddy should be helping, but when she becomes a parent, what do you think will feel more normal to her?

Your actions, choices, behaviors, or even the lack of those things, will most often trump the words your child hears you say no matter how well intentioned.  Parenting isn’t for sissies.  Do some soul searching regarding what you are saying and what your child is seeing in her family.  God bless your efforts.  Happy parenting!

© 2013 Brenda Holland-Robinson