Cosmic Fire Trucks, Getting up on the Wrong Side and An Over-Abundance of Averetts

One of my cousins posted a compliment on Facebook regarding a Rural Legends column several weeks ago. He said nice things. I’m not used to people saying nice things. He did point out that I neglected to add that the elderly relative I mentioned who was test-driving his grave and I share the same name.

I’m not exactly certain what he intended his point to be. He may have been agreeing that all of my relatives on my mother’s side and I share certain odd traits. Or he may have been commenting that they could put me in that grave without changing the name on the tombstone or well, he could have meant anything.

Still, the only rules I have in Rural Legends are no profanity, everything must be true and to protect the guilty no living person except me is ever mentioned by name.

On the other hand, if I can mention my name that would include anyone else with the same name. This means anyone named Edward, Averett or Jones can be mentioned without breaking my rules and you all know how much I always respect the rules- especially the ones I make. That is, until I change them.

There are several dozen Averetts in my family. It was my mother’s maiden name so there are first, middle and last name Averetts. Thanks to cousin “Not an Averett but father to one” they are all now fair game. My grandfather, grandmother and mother were Averetts. I have an Uncle Averett, cousin Averetts, niece and nephew Averetts and so on. And you thought there was only one of me.

Last week my bride Management and I were discussing an article that stated “the longer a couple is married the less they talk.” We agreed that that may be correct but that doesn’t mean we don’t communicate more. We can have long conversations with few words. For example, if one of us is considering buying something with small and eternal payments the other will say “Britannica.” Nothing else is needed. “Britannica” says it all. It says, “You don’t really need this. We can’t afford this and we will be paying on it long after it is obsolete. You did this in1985 and you should have learned a lesson from it. I will be deeply disappointed if you continue with this poorly advised purchase and it will be a subject of strife and dissention for years to come.”

The article also advised keeping the relationship interesting and different.

After we had gone to bed Management said, “You know, we’ve been doing this exactly the same way for 28 years. Maybe we should try something different.” I agreed although I wasn’t really enthusiastic. I’m sort of an “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” kind of guy. It has been working well the way we’ve been doing it but if it will make her happy to try something new I’m willing to give it a shot.

In any case, we tried it and I was right. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I almost broke my leg. After 28 years of sleeping on one side of the bed, changing sides just feels wrong. Getting out of bed in the middle of the night on the other side of the bed is just downright dangerous.

Still, change is good. I think tomorrow night I’ll suggest something really out there like swapping pillows.

Before Christmas I asked Management what she thought about buying a fire truck for the Grand-brats. She approved. Frankly I was surprised. I bought a fire truck early in our marriage and she made me return it. She said something about Britannica.

This time she seemed fine with it. Well, that is until I bought it. I’d hoped she would go with me to pick it up. She’s always ready for a trip or anything to do with trucks. Now she’s back to that Britannica thing.

On an historic note, way back in 1944, Oren, a fire truck manufacturer in Roanoke, Va., built a few pumper trucks. There was a World War II shortage of trucks so they were put on new military surplus 1942 Chevrolet truck chassis. As it happens my office is in the old firehouse AND one of those trucks spent 30 years sitting where I am sitting now.

In one of those Cosmic Serendipitous quirks, just after Management approved a fire truck purchase for the Grand-brats one of the few surviving 1942 Oren trucks came up for sale…