Can You Gag Down What We Are Serving?

By the time you read this in the real world, the elections will be over and one of the losers will be the new president of the whole dadgum United States of America.

This weekend in Stump County all of the political parties had parties trying to get votes. Both the Republicons and the Democraps had catered picnics. Without the elephant and the donkey it would have been impossible to tell which was which.

The theme of both was “Can you gag down what we are serving?” and “Our food may look bad, smell bad and taste bad BUT what the other side is serving is worse.”

The Republicons built a wall around Manuel La’bors Mexican restaurant. The Democraps tried to register him to vote.

Both parties offered groping of women. At one party the candidate groped. At the other party the candidate’s spouse did the groping. Libby, our only women’s libber, said it was less offensive to be groped by a candidate’s spouse than the candidate and that all women should support her.

Both party’s parties stated, “Our candidate is mean but not as mean as the other candidate.” Both stated, “Our candidate has bad hair but not as bad as our opponent.”

A spokesman for each party stated, “Our candidate lies pathologically but not as bad as our opponent.”

Both attempted to sell the idea that this is an historic election. One played up Maggie Thatcher. “It is time we elected a woman as president,” she said.

We almost choked on our chitlin’s. The idea of comparing a conservative to a liberal based purely on their “plumbing” was just more than we could take with straight faces.

Both candidates supported BIG Gov’mit. Both believe the president should force people to behave the way they believe they should behave.

Meanwhile, down by the crick, the Liberterian Party was also holding their own party. They were serving potluck like you have at church dinners. What they offered was exactly what most people liked but the party was small. The folks at the Democrap party wouldn’t come because there were a few dishes on the right end of the table they didn’t like. The Republicons wouldn’t come because there were a couple of dishes on the left they didn’t like.

It didn’t matter that they chose their party as “not as bad as the other one.” They said they just couldn’t support a party that couldn’t win even if it had more to offer.

According to Professor, if just one third of the folks supporting each party had visited the Libertarian party because they liked most of what was on the table they would have won.  One man, (as he tossed back another beer) said he wouldn’t attend because he’d heard some Libertarians smoked marijuana and he didn’t believe in using mind-altering substances. The crowd cheered him with a toast and passed around several jugs of Ludd’s finest moonshine.