Ain’t Nuthin but Pig Stuff

We almost had our first riot in Stump County. Two local people backed up by a bunch of folks from the real world decided to have a show of support for the statue of Tommy, the statue honoring the history of the Revolutionary War and honoring those who supported King George and opposed the revolution.

Our ancestors decided over 100 years ago that even though they lost they should be honored for fighting for what they believed and for doing it with honor. They didn’t attack civilians, or loot or pillage the countryside. They fought, they lost and it is over.

As we say in Stump County, Anyhoo, there was this protest mostly by outsiders. Then another group of outsiders decided on a counter protest and it got ugly.  Most of us just wanted to let them fight it out between themselves but we would have had to deal with the bodies and the bad publicity.

As we were discussing what to do Cletus shouted out “Pig Stuff” or something very like that. We were shocked. Cletus doesn’t usually cuss and certainly not in a town meeting.

Then he explained, “This here whole dadburned sichyation ain’t nothing but Pig Stuff. Them furriners ain’t from Stump County, they ain’t got nothing to do with Stump County and they shouldn’t otter be here. What er they doin’ here anyway, ain’t they got jobs to do?”

To make a long story short, we rolled out “Old Betsy” and the other Civil War cannons from the town square, loaded them with pig stuff and shelled the crowd. You’ve maybe heard about tear gas and such stuff but nothing but nothing stinks like pig stuff. After about four volleys that crowd was a-scattering and a-crying and a-beggin’ us to stop.

Then they all crawled back to the real world. You’ll know them iffen you meet one of them. They stink just as much as their politics.