Words from Childhood

Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18

How did you develop your self-image?  For most of us, our self-image is based on a foundation built by what we heard when we were just kids.  Words often seem very innocent.  Nevertheless, it is impossible to predict how deeply those innocent comments can deeply penetrate a person’s spirit.  The scars left by innocent words can last a lifetime.

As a parent, mostly, we do the best we can.  Although as a parent we can always grow and do better.  Consider, like an iron fist, words can leave an imprint that lasts a lifetime.  Let us just think about four sayings that may have an undesirable effect on your child’s self-image.

You’re going to end up just like….fill in the name of, shall we say, of a less than successful person.  What is your child hearing?  A label.  You are telling your child that he or she is destined to be the same as the person that you obviously think is a loser.  Is the person a relative such as a parent?  This comment can be even more damaging, leaving the child thinking well he/she is a blood relative, so I am certain to end up badly.  Change the comment to: I know that you can be anything you want to be, do you think this behavior will help you get there?

You ask too many questions.  Questions help us learn.  Our children should be encouraged to build on their natural curiosity.  Our children ask us questions to help them understand our world.  It is a big world with lots to learn.  Yes, it is tiring when the little ones ask the same questions over and over.  Just remember, this your son or daughter’s way of learning.  Moreover, he or she is coming to you, because he or she trusts you will help them find the answers.

Why can’t you be like your brother or sister?  This is a perfect invitation for intense sibling rivalry.  You are clearly comparing and finding one child better than the other child.  If there is an issue with your child’s behavior, address that behavior, just as it relates to him or her specifically.  .

That’s not what you’re good at.  Is your goal to get your child to focus on the things at which they excel?  That would be a good idea and can help your child build his or her self-esteem.  However, why do it in a negative way?  Try asking your child what he or she thinks about the activity.  You may be surprised why they want to try it.  Your children are kids; so let them have fun and try what they want.  Your child will learn their strengths, naturally.  You don’t need to tell them their strengths.  They can still have fun trying something, even if they aren’t going to be a star.  Do you sing in the shower or in the car?  Are you a recording artist?  Probably not, but it is still fun to sing along.

Yes, it is just a saying, but it can be very hurtful.  We all need to be careful and choose our words wisely.  Sometimes what seems innocent to us can be hurtful to others.  We must also teach our children to choose words wisely.  Do you remember elementary school and the hurtful words that may have stuck with you for life?  When talking with our kids, we need to focus on the positive.  We need to restructure what we are saying to present a positive point of view.  This may take practice.  Our goal is educate and correct our children while helping them build their self-image.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” (NASB)  Ephesians 4:29.

Cheryl Gowin, and Dennis Gowin, Hope for Tomorrow Counseling Center.  Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.