When Stuff Goes Wrong

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Have you had one of those weeks?  At our house, this week has seen record heat with a broken air conditioner, a dog who decided to wander too far away from home, several unexcepted bills, missed family events, disappointing news, PC’s and technology that did not work, the prepared Sunday School lesson notes left at home on Sunday morning, and to top it all off, an infected brown recluse spider bite.  And, with a few more minutes to think, the list of stressful events would grow like the weeds in the garden.  Yes, this has been one of those weeks.

Stress in life is inevitable. We all want to experience peace and harmony. However, how we handle stress can promote well-being and adjustment to life’s daily challenges. In this week’s “Mind Matters,” we will continue to discuss the impacts of stress by examining ways in which we respond to life. Through faith and transformational living, stress triggers can be an opportunity for growth instead of painful crises.

Throughout life, we tend to develop patterns or habits of alleviating stress. Social scientists have studied these “coping” methods for years. Two general ways to deal with stress is through problem solving and emotional coping.

Problem Solving and Stress

Problem-focused coping strategies are defined by how we approach life’s problems. Many times we are faced with life circumstances that are out of our control. Over time, we develop a perception of having a lack of control over circumstances. Research demonstrates this perception or life view becomes generalized until we develop a sense of helplessness. Studies have identified a syndrome of “learned helplessness” where a person eventually gives up on life as they become overstressed (Seligman, 1994). This dysfunctional response to life challenges develops slowly over time.

Are you a problem solver?

Here are some essential qualities in developing a problem solving approach to life:

Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Do you have a sense of purpose in life. Do you face life with some sense of free will, or the ability to make choices in every situation? Studies show that people who can choose their life focus show resilience in the face of stress. Other factors include the ability to see life as hopeful and that good effort will pay off eventually.

Are you looking at life’s daily challenges as problems that can be solved? In one study, compared with non-leaders, military and business leaders (who demonstrated a natural problem solving and optimistic outlook) had lower-than-average levels of stress hormones and reported less anxiety (Sherman et al., 2012). Many similar studies have demonstrated comparable results.

In the Christian faith, we are encouraged to choose a focus that looks towards the good that God is doing, instead of becoming pessimistic and hopeless. Philippians 4:8 tells us:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

God’s design is to have our minds focus on what is good and pure. This takes practice, but it can be done. Life contains good and bad, positive and negative, simultaneously. Problem solvers begin to exercise freewill in how they choose to view challenges. God gives us the ability to control our focus. Examine what you are putting into your mind through media, books, video games and magazines. Reflect on how you focus on the everyday life challenges. These are the choices that are foundational to coping with stress.

Emotional Coping

Sometimes stressful life challenges are going to be negative no matter how we try to problem solve. Now the critical factor becomes how we are prepared to deal with the impact. Emotion-focused coping strategies prepare us for facing life challenges that will drain our system. Some effective examples for emotional coping include:

Fortunately, the Christian life is full of strategies that are part of the faith, but also naturally combat stress. Following God’s design for life has many benefits. Spiritual disciplines are a great example of timeless methods that combat stress.

Join us next time as we continue to discuss the impacts of stress and how to develop a lifestyle change that leads to transformation of body, mind, and spirit.

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.