What’s Your Parenting Style?

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Have you heard the phrase free-range parenting?  How about helicopter parenting or tiger Mom?  Did your parents allow you to roam free and play as you pleased?  Or, did they keep you within eyesight and make sure you were supervised at all times?  Did you have lots of free time or did you have a schedule of school and after school activities mapped out for you?

These are three current parenting styles: helicopter parenting, free-range parenting, and tiger Mom parenting.  Which style is best?  Let’s look at each style, and their pros and cons.

Helicopter parenting is so named because a parent, like a helicopter, hovers overhead, coordinating every aspect his or her child’s life.  A helicopter parent gets involved in all of their child’s experiences and problems.  The term helicopter parenting, coined by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, notes that helicopter parents attempt to “ensure their children are on a path to success by paving it for them.”

Helicopter parents’ goal is to prevent any challenges and remove any obstacles in their child’s life.  For example, a helicopter parent might take down a swing set because her child might fall off it and skin a knee.  The parent sees the possibility of a skinned knee and prevents it by removing the source.

Pros:  In order to prevent anything bad from happening, helicopter parents spend almost all their time with their child.  Supporters point out that spending time together allows the parents and child to bond thus forming a close relationship.

Cons:  Helicopter parenting is often criticized for not allowing children to think or act for themselves.  The results are the child loses his or her sense of independence and the child does not develop problem-solving skills.

Free-range parenting is the concept of raising children by encouraging them to function with minimal parental supervision, based on their age and with a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks.  Free-range parenting is the opposite of helicopter parenting.  Lenore Skenazy’s book Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry talks about free range parenting style.  You may have heard that Utah governor Gary Herbert recently signed the so-called “free-range kids” bill.  At the heart of this law is the philosophical belief that allowing kids to have some freedom without constantly worrying something bad will happen is good for the children.  Free-range parents let their children walk to school alone and ride their bikes outside without supervision.  In some situations, parents allow their children to grocery shop and ride public transportation alone.

Pros:  This style is based on the theory that children learn from experience, and that failure can be fruitful.  Supporters look at it simply as preparing their child for the real world, instead of preparing the world for their child.  They hold it promotes self-reliance and confidence.

Cons:  Opponents look at it as dangerous and neglectful.  Kids are just that – kids.  They should not be treated as adults.

Tiger Mom parenting emphasizes hard work with parents using a rigid and authoritarian approach toward their children.  Self-proclaimed tiger mother Amy Chua documented this style in her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  Tiger parents are strict, expect their children to follow rigid rules, and demand excellence in academics.

Pros:  Supporters believe the stern home environment and strict demands motivate children to perform their best.  Children are also taught to respect their parents and elders.

Cons:  Opponents believe this form of parenting promotes conformity instead of creativity.

So the question that seems to follow is, are there threads that run through all successful parenting styles?  In looking at the various research there does seem to be four threads.  The first two are strong family communication and consistency in parenting styles.  The third thread is love.  Parenting styles are most effective if love is clearly demonstrated.  Lastly, parenting styles are most effective if prayer supports communication, consistency, and love.

The conclusion: pick a style, talk about it, love your children, pray for them and pray with them.   

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  Proverbs 22:6

ppp

Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.