What’s the Plan?

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Have you been part of this movie scene?

Wife (W) is sick in bed with a 103 fever; she can’t breathe, and she hurts all over. 

Husband (H) walks in.  He asks how she feels. She mutters something unrecognizable.  He then asks, “What’s for supper?” 

W rolls over and forces out the words, “There is a frozen Stouffer’s lasagna in the freezer.”

H looks incredulous and responded “What, you want us to eat frozen lasagna?” 

“No, I want you to heat it up first,” W responds out of frustration.

“Oh, Where?”  H replies in a sweet innocent voice.

“In the oven.”  W’s frustration is growing.

“OK.”  H goes into the kitchen only to return to ask, “How do you turn on the oven?” 

Irritated and frustrated, W gets out of bed, and heads to the kitchen to heat the lasagna.

Everyone gets sick.  However, why does it seem that H is so helpless when W gets sick?  Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but. . . In relationships, we develop our roles.  In your marriage, the roles may be H takes care of the house and outside projects while W handles the inside tasks such as cooking.  Women generally are better caregivers.  Face it, W is generally the one who takes over when the kids, H, or even the dog is sick.

Now men, just because your primary role may not be that of caregiver does not get you off the hook.  We all have times we need to move outside of our comfort zone.  When W is sick is just such a time.

Remember your wedding vow.  I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.  Now you are on the hook to live up to your vow and take care of her in sickness.

How does the thought of stepping in and helping make you feel?  Do you feel useless and have no idea of what to do?  So, if your wife is unwell, here are just some of the things you can do to make her feel a better.
– Wake up early and take over some of her roles.  Wake the kids up, make cold cereal for breakfast, help them dress, find their homework, and get them off to the bus.
– When she wakes up, ask her how she feels.  Ask her what she needs.  Listen to her answer.  She may need you to call her in sick for the day.  Seems simple but taking that off her plate will help her feel better.

– Fix her a hot cup of tea and honey.  Take a non-metal coffee cup, fill it with water, put it in the microwave, and heat the water for two minutes.  Put the teabag in the cup.  Let it stand a minute.  Stir in a teaspoon of honey or sugar.  It’s not all that difficult.

– Ask her if you need to take the day off work.  Ask her if she needs to go the doctor; offer to take her.  Listen to her.  She may not need you to stay home but she will appreciate the gesture.

– Suggest that you call a friend or family member to help.  Listen to her. (Do you see a trend here?)  She may need help or she may just need a quiet day at home alone.

–  Pick up the kids at school or be home when the kids come home.  Pick up supper.  Pino’s has pizza and soup on the take-out menu.  Walmart has fried chicken and canned chicken soup.

–  End by winding up the day.  Make sure the homework is done, put the kids to bed, walk the dog, lock the doors, and turn out the lights.

– Lastly, together, pray for her rapid recovery.

Do you have the gift of helping others?  Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies.  1 Peter 4:11

Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.