What It Means to be a “Dad”

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Billy Graham felt, “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”   That raises the question, what is it that Dads do for their kids?  It seems that the role of “Dad” pictured in the media is becoming increasingly unclear and minimized.  The image of “Father Knows Best” is now very cloudy.

Have you heard the saying, “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad”?  If you are a Dad, there are several ways you help your children grow into mature adults.

You are critical to your child’s healthy self-esteem.  Kids with Dads who are actively involved in their lives have improved self-esteem and lower instances of depression.   The opposite is also true.  Dads who are harsh or neglectful establish a higher risk of depression and mental health problems.

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.   These words of wisdom are from Robert Fulgham.

You provide the model for your children in several ways.  Your children watch how you relate to them, other family members, friends, in work, and in social situations.  What they see is their blueprint for how to build a relationship.  This is also true when it comes to worldview and your child’s belief system.  You shape the belief system your sons and daughters will take into adulthood.

Have you heard from the playground: my Mom can do that better than your Mom, or my Mom is bigger than your Mom, or my Mom is stronger than your Mom?  It may not be “PC” to point this out, but kids look to their Dads for different characteristics than they do from their Moms.

You are the role model for both your sons and your daughters.  As a Dad, you set the standard. Your kids look to you as their example of what it means to be a man.  Whether intentional or not, your son or daughter learns from you how to be dependable, honorable, compassionate, and trustworthy.  Your son will mirror the actions he sees in you.  You are also teaching your daughters what to expect from men. The other old saying is, “girls marry their fathers.” Are you the benchmark for the type of man you want your daughter to depend on through adulthood?

Great, you say, now how am I supposed to be this Superman?  Bill Ayers’ advice is an excellent place to start.  “Your kids require you, most of all, to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”

Spending time with your kids is not the same thing as being home.  If they are glued to electronics, you are watching TV or working, just because you are in the same room you are not spending time together.  A much overused word is quality time, but yes, you need to designate a specific time to spend with your kids.  You can go extreme and learn how to play his or her favorite Xbox game.

Find activities outside of the house you like to do together.  Memorial Methodist has a monthly event called First Fridays.  It is a great time to be together with your family, play games, and build friendships with other families.  You can’t complain about the price, it’s free.

Your kids may act like they are too old for hugs.  However, no one is ever too old to be told you love them.  Yes, your kids don’t want you posting “I Love You” on their Facebook wall, but you can convey the same feelings by text or email.  Sometimes the only answer you will get from your kids is a grunt.  But trust me, your kids are learning from everything you do and say.

Finally, Elisabeth Elliot’s advice: “If you take being a father seriously, you’ll know that you’re not big enough for the job, not by yourself.  Being a father will put you on your knees if nothing else ever did.”        

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.  Psalms 103:13

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.