Wanderings, Collections and Incorrections

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

My bride Management had an appointment for one of those regular check-ups sensible people get.  As you might guess I do not get regular check-ups. If something quits working I get it checked out. If something hurts I give it a few weeks or months to quit. If it doesn’t get better I get it checked out.

My theory is my manufacturer designed me to be generally self-repairing.  I was also designed with an expiration date. I just wish I knew when it was. I do know I can speed that date up by making poor choices such as making Management angry but in general it is when it is.

In any case, her appointment was just an opening. When she mentioned she had to go to Richmond I did what I usually do. That is add a few things to her trip.  Would you mind stopping at ……..and picking something up for me? And as long as you are going could you make a little detour through Hampton and deliver something for me and while you are there could you pick up a Jet Ski I promised to deliver and …..

Of course Management got it all done and returned home faster than I would have and apparently without any shortening of my expiration date.  I would have taken a few other detours. You never know what you might find or what might happen to you when you wander off course.

A few months ago I bragged that when I finally got my old fire truck home  that for the first time in at least thirty years everything I owned (with the exception of things loaned out or that I have given other people custody of) was at home.    

It seems I was mistaken.  The phone rang; people stopped by and stopped me on the street. “Uh, Averett, I read where you said…have you forgotten…” Oops. However, I did have to add one addition. That is, in the case of borrowed stuff if you borrowed it you are responsible for returning it. That isn’t on my list. It is on yours.

So, I am going to try again. After this weekend (with the usual exceptions) everything that I am responsible for moving that I own MAY be home.  Now all I have to do is wait for the calls and corrections.

Fortunately for me although I have achieved a milestone it is only temporary. There is always more stuff to acquire.

Years ago when I got our first junk sailboat Management and the son decided we should learn to sail rather than allowing me to sell it for a small profit.  I’m glad they did. We are having a lot of fun even if most of our days on the boat we only travel 12 feet. That is three feet up on the incoming tide- three down, etc.

You have to remember I am in Acquisitions, Transportation and Logistics. Sailing and having fun is their responsibility.

In any case, I checked to see if I needed a license.  As it happens boats need licenses, so I got one.  People were a different case. In Virginia a boating license was being phased in. Due to my age I didn’t need one yet.

This year I checked again and had another one of those OOPs moments. I should have gotten one last year. In any case, and especially since a ticket would cost me more than the boat, I took the boating license course.

I’m glad I did. I learned a lot of useful stuff. I am also more likely to survive a problem and less likely to get a ticket so it is all good.

There were a few questions I thought were unnecessary. One was “How far should you stay away from a naval vessel?”  Considering some ships are bigger than Keysville, Virginia where I live and that if something went wrong they could run over our little boat and never notice, my answer was “As far as I can get.”

Another was “What is the correct size hitch for a 16 foot boat?”  Any hitch I have is suitable for hauling something that small. I would pull a 16 footer with a moped.  I missed that question also.