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Topics to Share Before Walking Down the Aisle

   Written by on June 23, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

In honor of June, the marriage month, we’ve been looking at premarital counseling.  The purpose: to help you understand the components you bring to a marriage.  The goal: to help you lay the foundation for a happy and successful mar­riage.

Ever wonder whether both of you have talked about the most critical issues to a successful marriage?  During years of marriage counseling, we have identified these as the top questions you need to understand how you and your fiancé would answer.

What does marriage mean?  What does commitment mean to you as you make plans to walk down the aisle?  Of all of the people you could have married, why are you choosing your partner?

What are your goals for the future?  What do you hope to achieve in the near and the distant future?  What size house and in what kind of neighborhood do you hope to live in, now and in the future?  How will you determine if a new job is reason enough to move?  How will you deal with times when one of you has reached a point where you need to change some aspect about your life?  Have you talked about finances?

What are your expectations of time allocations with your future spouse?  What do you expect of a marital partner in terms of emotional support during exciting times, depressed times, and periods of illness?  What are the expectations for “date night” or time spent together?  Do you both understand the amount of alone time your fiancé needs?  How much time will your partner want to spend with friends?  Do you agree how much time is appropriate to give to work?  If either of you don’t want to do something in terms of children, household or yard maintenance, how will you divvy up these responsibilities?

 What are your plans for children?  When do you plan to start a family?  How far apart do you want to have your kids?  What were your parents’ philosophies about raising children and do you agree or disagree?  What kinds of punishment are appropriate or not?  What are your expectations about the amount of money spent on toys, clothes etc?  Do both of you expect to work if you have children?  How do you decide who stays home with your children when they are sick?

What will your relationship with your parents and in-laws look like?  How much time will you spend with your parents and do you expect your partner to join you?  Do you want to live close to your parents?  Do you agree on taking care of the financial needs of parents, if needed?  How do you plan to spend holidays?  What kind of support do you expect from your partner when the parents are putting pressure on you?  What kind of relationship do you expect your kids to have with your parents?

How will you resolve conflicts?  Do you know how to fight fair?  How did your parents settle their differences?  How do you express your anger?  How do you apologize; how can both of you accept an apology?

What does spiritual life mean to each of you?  What level of participation do you expect from each other in a spiritual community?  Which church will be the focus of your spiritual life?  Will your children be expected to attend regular services or religious education?

So how was this list of questions accumulated?  These are the major issues that couples coming into counseling say are causing problems in their relationship.  Discussing these questions, dealing with your concerns, and learning what upsets you will not guarantee that you have no struggles in the future.  Discussing these questions will give you a strong foundation that can support your relationship when future struggles happen.  If you are struggling with talking about these questions, consider premarital counseling with a professional counselor.

I will commit myself to you forever; I will commit myself to you in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love and tender compassion.  Hosea 2:19

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at Discovery Counseling in Farmville with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637 or 808-2426.

About Cheryl & Dennis Gowin

Cheryl Gowin, Counselor and Dennis Gowin, Director of Discovery Counseling Center. Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues or questions at 434-808-2426 or dgowin@discoverycounseling.org.

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