Three Minutes of Fame

We just had the longest Bored Supervisor meeting in the history of Stump County.  It lasted until it was time for all of us to go home and milk cows. The previous record was the meeting about if coal oil was safe to use in oil lamps instead of whale oil. There was a large group who said there was a limited amount of coal oil in the ground (if we could find it) and whale oil is a renewable resource.  Drat my cats iffen that wasn’t one long and unproductive meeting.  That one ended with the right decision which was citizens of Stump County could light their homes with coal oil, whale oil, candles, pitch knots or sit in the dark. The vote was unanimous that “Citizens of Stump County can use their light source of choice without any infringement by the Bored Supervisors.”

The discussion last night was about the public comment period at the meetings. It turns out that out there in the real world there are limits at some public meetings on how long folks can talk. Here in Stump County folks can talk as long as they want to. On the other hand, they can’t force somebody else to listen. Some of us have left a meeting, gone to the Yak-n-Snack for a Big Orange soda, drank it, chewed the fat a bit and got back to the meeting before they finished.

Well, since all of the Rangs Roids and Rants have come home everybody in Stump County knows that the real world is out there.   

Well, the Bored Room was packed. One group supported Status Quo and they talked and talked and talked about how everyone’s opinion was important. They even said outsiders should be allowed to talk. This was shouted down by the rest of the folks. Most of us were against that. Nothing is more annoying than someone who doesn’t live in Stump County or who hasn’t live here long thinking they know more about Stump County than those of us who live here and have made a living here.  We may have to create a new category for them. Maybe we’ll call them Gants as in Arrow Gants.

Even though the Bored rule states no one can address the Bored Supervisors  or speakers from the floor, they just ignored that and shouted out questions and insults. Several members of the Bored Supervisors forgot that thing about wrestling a pig and tried to respond.  When the folks in charge don’t follow the rules you can guarnan-damn-tee the rest of us aren’t going to. By the way, the pig wrestling advice is “Don’t wrestle a pig in the mud. You’ll just get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

One group didn’t want anyone to get to talk. They say they are just wasting valuable time and no one wants to listen and no one cares. There’s probably some truth in that but they were standing on the pickle barrel and having their three minutes of fame objecting to anyone else having theirs.

Another group had done some research. They calculated the number of speakers, amount of time used times the number of people present. They documented that at the last meeting over 189 man hours were spent listening to people offering opinions. It wouldn’t be annoying if folks would do their speechifying and sit down but once they get control they don’t like to let go.

By the time it was over the Bored Supervisors were glassy-eyed as if they’d spent all night with a jug from Ludd’s Local Likkers and Libations and they all went home.

As far as we know those Gants are still taking turns on that pickle barrel and are still talkin’.

Ya know, iffen you don’t have to listen to them they aren’t so annoying.