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Thoughts on Rape

   Written by on December 18, 2014 at 1:45 pm

Rolling Stone is back-stepping on the “Jackie” story regarding the UVA rapes. Many people are saying that means it didn’t happen. While there may be some discrepancies in the story, the issue of rape is real and must be addressed.

government grumblingsAnyone with a few women friends can verify this for themselves.  Rape happens on college campuses, rape happens on dates, rape happens in prisons and rape happens on streets.   Women from campuses across the country have substantiated this.

Rape should never be accepted. Rape should never be condoned. Rape should never be excused.

It is rape if a man or woman gets another person drunk intending on having sex with them while they are incapacitated. The same applies to drugs.

A few years ago a male friend of mine told me he had been “date raped” by a woman in Richmond. He told a story in graphic detail of coercion, intimidation and force.  I was sympathetic but not totally convinced it was rape. A few months later another male friend from another town related the identical story.  Yes, men are raped by women as well.

Read the news accounts of sentencing reports for criminals. In the discussion, someone, and usually multiple writers, gleefully predicts the rape of the criminal in prison. This is another wrong. These men were not sentenced to be raped. It is another criminal act being ignored.  Prison rapists should be charged and sentenced to solitary confinement and not be allowed to continue to prey on other inmates.

While there are some commonsense issues and ways to reduce the possibility of rape, the fact that the victim made poor choices does not excuse the rape.  Although it makes sense not to drink to excess with people you do not trust, doing so does not excuse the rape.

However, not all drunken sex is rape.  As the country song says, “The girls all get prettier at closing time.” Anyone who has ever been in a bar, especially near closing time, has seen couples who didn’t know each other a few hours before staggering out together.  Although both people may regret the incident later, they were willing at the time.  Morning after regret is not the same as rape. Maybe we need laws to prevent Sex while intoxicated.

On the other hand, anyone who has ever been in a bar has seen people pushing drinks on someone with the intention of lowering their inhibitions. I would consider that a deliberate planned act and would consider it rape.  The problem in this case is how to prove intent.

Alcohol reduces inhibitions which is one of the reasons people consume it.  People make poor choices while drinking which is a good reason to avoid it. I have never understood why anyone would want to get drunk, have poor sex with a stranger so they can regret it or brag about it later.

When I was in college I remember a friend of mine telling a group of us that his date undressed and then passed out in his dorm room.  Two guys wanted to know what happened NEXT.  Those guys were potential rapists. My friend covered her with a blanket and slept in the other bed.

The men who believe drunken unconscious sex counts as seduction would probably disagree if it was their girlfriend, wife or daughter involved.

Sex should never be forced or coerced; it should never be done while incapacitated. If it does not involve willing participants it is rape.

The rape conversation should continue. College rapes should be reported to the police and investigated.

Even if an investigation does not result in charges it helps draw the line that must be drawn. Rape is never OK.

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