Suthunuhs!

Are you one, a true one???? Sho nuf! Rat on!

A friend emailed me the following suthunuh information and this reporter just had to share.  The following is just to clarify a few things for those who might have forgotten, didn’t know, might be wondering, or will one day be inclined to wonder about Suthunuhs.

There ain’t a magazine named “Northern Living” for good reason. There ain’t nobody interested in livin’ up north, so nobody would buy the magazine.

Suthunuhs already know their summer weather report:  Humidity, humidity, humidity. They also know their vacation spots:  the beach, the rivuh, or the “crick”.  Suthunuhs know everybody’s first name:  Honey, Darlin’, or Shugah.

Suthunuhs know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes, Driving Miss Daisy, Steel Magnolias and Gone with the Wind.  They also know their religions:  Bapdiss, Methdiss, or Football.

Suthunuhs know their cities dripping with Southern charm:  Charl’stn, S’vannah, Foat Wuth, N’awlins and Addlanna.  They know their elegant gentlemen, too:  Men in uniform, men in tuxedos, and that good-looking Rhett Butler!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:  The Mall, The Country Club and The Beauty Salon.  Gee, I’m glad to be a born a suthunuh!  We southern girls know the three deadly sins:  Having bad hair and nails, having bad manners and cooking bad food.

Only a suthunuh knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a “mess”.  Only a suthunuh can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder”.

A true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’.

Only suthunuhs make friends while standing in lines………and when we’re “in line”, we talk to everybody!  Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.

A true southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red-eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco (not this reporter); and that fried green tomatoes is NOT a breakfast food!  We also know grits come from corn and how to eat them!

Only a suthunuh would walk into an elevator with both hands full and ask one of his fellow passengers, “Do you mind mashin’ thuh foeteenth button fah me, dahlin?”

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this southern stuff……bless your hearts.  I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southerness as a second language.

Now, Shugah, if you’re a Northern transplant, well “bless your heart”.  We know you got here as fast as you could!