Stump County Chittlin’ Strut Canceled

It looks like Stump County is going to have to change our motto. It has always been “We may be ig’nant but we’uns got commonsense.” Now, you got to understand that ig’nance isn’t a problem iffen you realize you is ig’nant.

Iffen you’s got to do something and know you’s ig’nant you get help.

Well, throw me in the crick and call me catfish bait if ig’nance and lack of commonsense didn’t just kill The Strut.

Here’s what happened. Every year just after hog killin’ time Stump County has our annual Chittlin’ Strut and Cat Fish Fry. The whole county is involved. The Strut is the most important event in the year. For twenty years or so Little Big has been the Grand Marshal.  Little Big is named after his daddy Big and is usually called LB.

LB is the hardest working and richest man in Stump County. He is also the most generous and the most involved in civic projects.  His word is the gold standard for Stump County. If LB says “I’m backin’ (anybody or anything)” you know it is going to happen.

So what happened this year is we got a new committee voted in to run The Strut.  What caused the problem was ig’nance and lack of commonsense.  Now, here in Stump County we expect everybody to have commonsense and to be ig’nant BUT willin’ to learn.

Some of them don’t like LB because they are jealous so they voted him out. Then they voted out Cletus as the chittlin’ master.  Lots of menfolks here in Stump County don’t like Cletus ‘cause most of the women do.

In their ig’nance they didn’t know that just anybody can’t be the Grand Marshal. The Marshal has to juggle lots of opinions, keep ever’body happy and schedule the whole dad-gum strut and make it look easy. They also didn’t know and didn’t ask who donates the chitlin’s, who has the boiling pot and the fry pans.

Cookin’ for a countywide Strut is different from cookin’ up a batch of chittlin’s at home.

Before that the chittlin’s, which by the way is spelled chitterlings in the real world, have to be cleaned. Chittlin’s are the intestines of a hog and you can imagine what they are filled with. They have to be hand cleaned then stump-whipped and crick-washed. Then they are boiled and then fried. They may sound nasty and even smell nasty when they are boilin’ but after they are fried they are bodacious.

Anyhow, the new committee was ig’nant and didn’t try to learn. They didn’t know LB donates the chittlin’s or that Cletus owns the only big pots and fry pans big enough for a strut. They also didn’t find out who could take LB and Cletus’ places.

After all they’ve never run a Strut and watchin’ LB and Cletus makes it look easy. It ain’t.

ppp

Trying to contact Half Whitt? You can email him at
half_whitt@yahoo.com.