Stump County Chitlin’ and Possum Strut

Last week I wrote that I was running for the 2016 president of the Stump County Chitlin’ and Possum Strut. This is the most prestigious office in Stump County and I was looking forward to the honor of running.

Then we were having a little front porch conference down at the Yak-n-Snack Restaurant, drinking Big Orange sodas, when Obidiah pointed out that the RANGs, ROIDs and RANTs that have moved back here in the last year were going to make every meeting impossible. They don’t know how to do anything, they just don’t like what anyone else proposes. As long as something is changed they are happy. They don’t care what it costs or anything else as long as they cause something to change.

Obidiah pointed out that they won’t like the Chitlins or the Possums. Every meeting will take hours and instead of planning the CAP Strut all that will happen will be talk. You have to remember that the 3-R’s have never accomplished anything on their own.

Sometimes they actually have some good ideas but they never follow through and there is a trail of unfinished projects behind them. Unless someone else picks up the project it will never get done.

They are like those liberals you hear about. A few months ago there was a hungry family here in Stump County.  The liberals and the 3-R’s held a big meeting on hunger. They showed pictures of hungry people. They discussed which Gov’mit programs would help. They ate a big catered lunch. They discussed hunger some more. They finally passed a resolution against hunger and went home to supper.

The rest of us took up a collection to feed the famiy for a little while. Then we found them jobs. We’ll feed them until they get paid and then they are on their own. No one has to go hungry here unless they won’t work.

Obidaih pointed out that the CAPS committee wouldn’t get anything done if the 3-R’s were included. We could have secret meetings but that’s not how we do things here. Obie suggested we nominate the meanest ones for the officers. They can meet and plan and plan and meet and then when it comes to a vote we can outvote them.

The only problem is the 3-R’s won’t run for office. They claim to represent hundreds of folks but I guess they are afraid to run because then everyone will know just how many people really support them. Maybe they don’t want to really run things because then they will be responsible. Maybe all they want to do is complain.

Then Lo Quacious (Lo is the only Stump County resident who has ever visited the real world and he loves to talk about it) suggested what he called a diversionary tactic.  We planned a CAPS meeting. Then we scheduled a meeting to discuss tearing down the rail hitching post down at the Courthouse.

Every ROID, RANT and RANG in Stump County went down and dad-gum it iffen they didn’t save that post. Meanwhile we held our meeting and just like in Church meetings, if you aren’t there you get elected to something; every one of them was nominated and elected.