So So Sad 

I learned this week that my precious grandson and his fiancé, who were twelve weeks pregnant, lost their baby before they even knew what gender it would be.  My heart aches for them as they had committed to the baby and to each other to be the best parents they were capable of becoming.

I heard that well-meaning friends and family members were reminding them that they are young and that they will have lots of opportunities to have another baby.  The doctor let them know that it seemed there was something not right and that there would surely have been some health issues had the baby survived.  Even the devastated mommy, attempting to look on the positive side, made the comment that she will now be able to continue with her college education.

All of these comments and more were meant to show love, compassion, encouragement, and support.  It occurs to me that even while grieving the loss of this very real baby, everyone was trying to help the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends, as well as themselves, feel better.

My mother lost what would have been my oldest sibling before birth.  My daughter lost her much-loved and longed-for first pregnancy.  Now this wee baby will spend eternity in heaven with all the other little ones who were gone too soon.  It’s easy for us to say that its God’s will, but the Bible tells us that it isn’t His will that any of his children perish.  We did that.  Not Adam and Eve.  We!  We each have the same choice to not sin that the two in the Garden had.

The truth is that God didn’t intend for sin to enter the world, but He didn’t make us to be robots, either.  That’s why we were given free will.   The wonderful part is that He sent us the Great Comforter to care for us even when we mess up and bad things happen because of it.  And He never ever stops loving us though we don’t always deserve it.

How do we show love and support for those who lose a tiny baby?  It seems to me that it is most important to let them know that we are grieving with them.  We need to allow them the right to grieve.  They very much love the unborn child regardless if the pregnancy was planned, or if it was the “right time” to become pregnant.  They should never have to apologize for their pain, their tears, their grief or for how long it takes for them to grieve.  We can surely remind them that the Comforter is available.  We can let them know that we are hurting with them.

And don’t forget that it’s normal and natural for you to grieve for yourself, as well.  I know, personally, that I already loved this little being who was expected on its daddy and its granddaddy’s birthday (January 15).  God bless everyone who has lost a baby before birth and those who know and love someone who has.  He knows our pain. Prayers up!

© 2014 Brenda Holland-Robinson