Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

“If you do that one more time you aren’t going to get anything for Christmas!” “If you don’t sit down and be quiet, you are going to your room while we celebrate your birthday!”

Statements like these sound pretty ridiculous when we read them, don’t they? That’s probably because they are. Yet how many of us can honestly say we are not guilty of saying something equally unreasonable to a young child?

Parents, when coming to my home-based preschool day care to collect their children, would often say to me that they wished their children would mind them as well as they did me. I understood their frustration and I was reminded why I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have been away from my children all day and then have to make a meal, help older children with homework, chat with a spouse, get baths, settle the little ones to bed, check mail, and return necessary phone calls. All the while remaining nurturing and making sure the children were safe and happy as I disciplined.

I don’t know that I could have done so. So I did understand how they could slip into a pattern of being lax with warnings (I’ve told you five times to stop jumping on the couch. Now, if you do it again, you aren’t getting any supper!). They and their child both knew that wasn’t going to happen (thankfully). So, as soon as mom turned her back, jumping jacks returned to what they are good at, while mom said for the sixth time…

May I suggest that you make three or four rules that will cover most behaviors? We’ve discussed this before: No throwing things inside. Use walking feet inside. Be kind.

Then think of appropriate consequences when the child breaks a rule. The punishment, so to speak, should match the crime. Warn your child once of the rule that’s being broken and use one of the consequences you have set. Should the child test the rule and consequence, FOLLOW THROUGH! No exceptions. That’s why it is so important to say exactly what you mean and mean exactly what you say.

Pat yourself on the back for continuing to take part in the most difficult of jobs – parenting. Many times, just taking a deep cleansing breath in through the nose and slowly out through the mouth like blowing out a candle is enough to calm you before you make an irrational statement to your precious child.

I attended an awesome workshop in October. I am excited about what I learned and will share it with you soon. It has to do with “punishments” and “consequences” and how to avoid them while helping a child take responsibility for his or her behavior from the early preschool years. Happy rational parenting!

© 2013 Brenda Holland-Robinson