Retirement Information

   Written by on April 27, 2017 at 10:15 am

logo- community news & viewsRetirement is a wonderful thing if you are well enough to enjoy it.  The following questions and answers should bring everyone up to par on this thing called retirement.

Q:  How many days in a week for a retiree?

A:  6 Saturdays and 1 Sunday

Q:  When is a retiree’s bedtime?

A:  Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch

Q:  How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  Only one, but it might take all day

Q:  What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

A:  There is not enough time to get everything done

Q:  Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors?

A:  The term comes with a 10% discount

Q:  Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?

A:  Tied shoes

Q:  Why do retirees count pennies?

A:  They are the only ones who have the time

Q:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

A:  NUTS!

Q: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

A:  They know that as soon as they do, their adult kids will want to store stuff there or move back in!

Q:  What do retirees call a long lunch?

A:  Normal

Q:  What is the best way to describe retirement?

A:  The never-ending coffee break

Q:  What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

A:  If you cut classes, no one calls your parents

Q:  Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work but misses the people he used to work with?

A:  He is too polite to tell the whole truth

Q: What do retirees do all week?

A:  Monday through Friday, nothing.  Saturday and Sunday, they rest

This fellow lamented, “I’ve surely gotten old.  I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.  I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts.  I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore and can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92 BUT, THANK GOD, I STILL HAVE MY DRIVER’S LICENSE!

Want to know how to prevent sagging?  Just eat until the wrinkles fill out!

You know what?  It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker!

Always remember this:  You don’t stop laughing because you grow old

You grow old because you stop laughing!

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