Really!

It’s a cloudy day; yesterday was just a perfect spring day, sunny and warm.  I was a little frustrated that I had spent such a perfect day having tests run in the doctor’s office.  As the phone played my favorite melody, I picked up the receiver to hear Dr. Jones’ nurse.  Her words still ring in my ears; “The doctor would like you and your husband to come in tomorrow to discuss the results of your tests.”  “Why?”  I asked.  Her reply left me scared and speechless: “The doctor wants to talk to you about the tests and your options, is tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. ok?”  I agreed, feeling like crying but not knowing why, with uncertainty and worry beginning to invade my very core.

God tells us not to worry about tomorrow’s problems but to focus on today. The reason? Each day has enough troubles of its own. (Matt 6:34)  Here lies the problem.  For most of us, worry is our instinctive reaction to uncertainty.  With worrying being our normal reaction, once uncertainty has put us into a worried state it is hard to change.  The song may say don’t worry, be happy; unfortunately, life events make leaving worrying behind difficult.  Our coping skills help us manage our reactions to uncertainty, to avoid the stress that is the outcome of worry and to maintain a sense of well-being.

These coping skills generally fall into three categories.  The first is problem focused coping skills, which are skills that help find a way to manage the uncertainty.    The second is emotion focused coping skills; skills that use thoughts and behaviors to handle the worry and stress caused by the unknown.  The third category of coping skills is meaning focused coping skills.  This category of skills involves developing thoughts that provide a meaning to the uncertain situation.

Problem focused coping skills include taking steps to remove the uncertainty, changing your activities to focus on the uncertainty and/or actively looking for advice or information that would be helpful.  In the Old Testament, Egypt’s Pharaoh looked to Joseph to explain his dreams, and then put Joseph in charge of putting a problem solving strategy in place.  This would be an example of problem focused coping skills.

Emotion focused coping skills include seeking moral support, sympathy or understanding; finding support from someone by sharing your feelings with that person.  We have two avenues to build emotional coping skills.  First, God promises to hear our prayers and to give us strength.  We also can reach out to those around us; building deep relational connections that can help us overcome worry. (1 Peter 4:10 and Proverbs 15:22)

Coping skills, built around searching for meaning, include positive reappraisal or reframing the situation in positive terms and spiritual practices such as prayer and reading the Bible.  Second Corinthians 4 provides us with a great example of Paul using positive reappraisal.  Paul talks about that even though he was squeezed on every side, he was not crushed or in despair.  Paul looked beyond his current troubles to create a picture of a brighter future.

We do not decide how to react to uncertainty in a vacuum.  We look at the events happening in our life and decide if the event is a problem or an opportunity.  We all have and can grow a wide range of coping skills that can be used in a variety of situations.   As Christian counselors, we help develop the appropriate coping skills starting with meaning-based coping skills as the basis for building emotional and problem focused coping skills.

I pray that God, the source of all hope, will infuse your lives with an abundance of joy and peace in the midst of your faith so that your hope will overflow through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 (The Voice).