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Our secret weapon

   Written by on October 10, 2013 at 12:23 pm

We just had some guy come to Stump County from something called the Department of Agriculture. He wanted to tell us that all of us, including the richest guy in Stump County, live below the Fed’ral Poverty level.

stump countyHe said the Gov’mit would give us something called food stamps so we could eat better. Well, iffen food stamps are anything like postage stamps they just ain’t going to do much.

We may not eat fancy here in Stump County but ever’body gets a full belly every day or so. If somebody is hungry the neighbors will feed them. It may not be fancy but we all eat. We’ve got a secret weapon against poverty here in Stump County. Don’t tell the Gov’mit folks or they’ll come take it away.

Now, you may think fatback, biscuits and gravy might get boring after a couple of weeks but that’s where our secret weapon comes in.

You might think eating all that fat might be fattening but we have our secret weapon. Our secret weapon against poverty is called work. Generally speaking we’ve found that in most cases the harder folks work the better food tastes. The funny thing is folks who work hard seem to eat less, weigh less, demand less and are happy with less.

Lo Quacious is the only guy who has ever left Stump County. One night he just crossed that reality line and ended up in some place called Charlotte County, Virginia.

That’s how he met those folks at the Southside Messenger. Then he spent some time wandering around the country trying to find out why Stump County is imaginary and the rest of the country is real. Lo says imaginary Stump County sometimes has more reality than the rest of the U S of A.

He says those food stamps are a good example. One Gov’mit agency spends a few gazillion dollars giving people food stamps and they brag about spending more money every year. Another Gov’mit agency spends a gazillion dollars protecting wild animals. They passed laws making it illegal to feed wild animals. They put up signs “Don’t feed the animals” because handouts will make the animals dependant and they will no longer be able to care for themselves. Lo says he wonders why animals are more important than people.

They also tell us the Gov’mit has shut down. Most folks didn’t even notice. Some of us think the Gov’mit does more against us than for us.

Yo Mama is fussing that the Republicons won’t negotiate but he’s saying he won’t talk to them until they agree with him. Doesn’t sound much like negotiations to us.

The real issue is whether the country should keep spending and borrowing and spending. Every fool here in Stump County (and that includes most of us) knows you just can’t borrow your way out of debt. You can’t protect your credit rating by paying with borrowed money. Folks who loan you money know how much you owe and sooner or later are going to cut you off even if your payments are up to date.

You can live big on borrowed money for awhile but sooner or later you have to pay. If you can’t pay you’ll end up bank-ruptured. That includes Po’ Folks, rich folks, Gov’mits, States and the wino on Main Street. Cledus borrowed, caged and begged drinks for over 20 years. Finally he got cut off by everybody. Ol’ Cledus had to learn to drink within his means.

Yo Mama needs to have a talk with Cledus.

 

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