On the Edge, On the Team, Not on the Fence

   Written by on March 16, 2017 at 9:31 am
The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

After over 30 years of marriage I have learned many things. I can now compile a complete list of my character flaws. I have also learned that a bride’s reaction to certain events varies depending on the time of day, the day of the week, sunspot activity, the life cycles of random life forms and other factors, some of which can be identified and avoided.

In our case, the greater the amount of a positive checking account balance, a less intense reaction to negative events occurs. The inverse is also true.  A negative account balance increases negative reactions. I find that interesting, odd but interesting. To me positive is positive and negative is negative and the degrees of positive and negative are irrelevant.

I recently discovered that my bride, Management, believes we have spent our entire married life living on the edge. I was shocked.  I hadn’t noticed any edge.  This may be a difference between men and women or it may be an isolated difference between Management and me.

I spent at least 12 minutes contemplating, considering and cogitating on this phenomenon. Our home isn’t on the edge of anything.  Of course, if we had built on a mountain I would have wanted a mountain with a tall bluff so I could have had a deck built over the valley. Management says that would be over the edge while anyone else would see that it was over the valley.

This aberration in her perspective shows up occasionally.  On the edge clearly means half of your anatomy is on each side of the edge.  Then there may be a gray area where all of you except one hand is over the edge.  Personally, I would not consider this to be over the edge as long as I have one fingernail on the other side.  Oddly enough, Management believes in staying behind all of those silly safety fences people build near edges.

In spite of her character quirks, Management and I make a perfect team. I’ll point out here that if you think marriage is a fifty/fifty arrangement you will have problems.  Sometimes it is eighty/twenty and even 100/0. There are times when each spouse will have to give 100 percent. Remember that and life will be better.

One of my theories is that at some point in his life a man should love one woman, one piece of land, one house, one car and one dog. Then, if necessary, he should be willing to give up the land, house, car and dog for the woman.  That being said, I suppose I am going to have to sort out exactly where this edge we’ve been living on is and take steps to move away from it.

Another of my theories is that if folks would put half the effort into their marriages as they do into their hobbies there would be no divorces.  Total the hours you spend on your hobby and devote half of that to cherishing your spouse AND do it with half of the dedication and attention to details you give your hobby.

Of course, when I write something like this there WILL be some sort of cosmic adjustment.  That’s the price we always pay for thinking we have something figured out.  I may get home tonight and find Management standing at the door with her bags packed.

If that ever happens I already know what I am going to say: “Just give me ten minutes before you go.”  Then I am going to pack a bag and go with her.

About Evan Jones

Evan is the Assistant Editor at the Southside Messenger newspaper in Keysville, Virginia.

Connect

Connect on Facebook View all Posts Visit Website

Leave a Reply