Oceanfront property, Welshing and Talking Nautical

My bride Management and I took a little vacation last weekend. We spent Saturday on the boat. The fact that Eighty-seven Fifty is still sitting on a trailer in the yard doesn’t change anything. We spent the day on the boat.  We scrubbed and we cleaned and we fixed things and we had a good time.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

We’re having fun and we’re learning a lot. There are bunches of nautical terms we have to learn. Eighty-seven Fifty doesn’t have a kitchen for example; she has a galley. That isn’t a bedroom up front, there is a fore cabin. There isn’t a bathroom even though it has a toilet, a shower and a sink. That little room is called a head. Who can complain about that, everybody needs a little –oh never mind.

I need to do a little clarification here. I paid $30 for the boat and trailer. With the auction fees I paid a total of $87.50 plus shipping and handling. We will not discuss the S&H. Remember my typical cars cost less than $1000. In fact, I’ve only spent more than that on a car three times in my life. There is no way I would spend that for a boat. If I drive cheap, and I do, you can guarantee I’m going to boat cheaper.

I still haven’t really sorted out Management’s position on Eighty-seven Fifty. Way back when we were newlyweds she said she wanted to own oceanfront property. How much more ocean front can you get? Ocean front-ocean back-ocean left- ocean right and ocean down, anyway you look is ocean front. Now she is concerned that this might be a little too much ocean front. She has changed her definition to beachfront. Too close to a beach isn’t a good thing when you are in a boat. It really doesn’t matter yet. The planned re-launching date isn’t until spring of 2016.

I also realized I neglected to announce the arrival of the newest Grand-brat. He arrived a month ago and is satisfactory. They named him Emrys, which is a good Welsh name, which sort of makes up for her giving up that good Welsh name Jones when she got married.

Speaking of Wales, I just realized “welshing on a bet” is a derogatory ethnic slur based on a stereotypical evaluation of a perceived characteristic based on heritage. I expect all of those politically correct folks to henceforth and for evermore instantly delete this term from their vocabularies.  However, since I am of Welsh heritage (and am seldom, if not never, politically correct) I am allowed to use it. In fact, I can authorize its use for other people. If you are not politically correct you now have my permission to use the term Welsh or welch. You just cannot welsh on a bet with me.

Years ago I realized my girl-child had some sort of undercover arrangement with the electrical power company. I don’t know what the “quid” was but the “pro quo” was that she uses as much electricity as she can. That girl doesn’t even know it is possible to turn a light off.

Last week when she and the G-brats were visiting I noticed she had accidentally left a light OFF. Every light in the house was on except one. Sometimes you just have to accept the inevitable. I turned it on for her.

Speaking of inevitable I just realized that if we are going to be out on a boat I am going to learn how to fish. I am going need to do more research on the subject but it seems that fishing from a boat in the ocean is different from fishing with a cane pole from the bank. Apparently you just drag a line around behind you and wait until something bites. That sounds pretty good to me. Watching some folks fishing looks a lot like work to me. They cast and crank and cast and crank until it looks like they are beating the water with a stick.

The biggest problem with learning how to fish from a boat in the ocean is getting the necessary equipment. My problem is going to be getting the necessary equipment without spending more on it than I spent on the boat.

Several times I’ve spent more putting tires on a truck than I paid for the truck and I still have nightmares about it. Things like that can scar a guy for life. It must be my Welsh heritage.