Not Perfect, Just Forgiven

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Have you seen the bumper sticker “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”?  This is a true statement.  Our nature makes us incapable of being perfect.  The Bible is replete with examples of godly people who are anything but perfect.  David, a man after God’s own heart, has less than a stellar track record.  Peter, who was the cornerstone of the early church, stumbled more than once.  Paul, in Hebrews, talks about struggling with doing what he knows he should not do.  And the list goes on.

What are we really saying when we claim we aren’t perfect?  Are we walking away from the pressure of perfectionism? Certainly, imperfection is a much easier goal to attain than perfectionism.  For us to seek to be perfect, creates a realm of dangerous consequences.  Having a goal of being perfect can leave us facing feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.  The realization that we have not reached perfection can lead to an overwhelming sense of failure, which is neither healthy nor productive.

Yes, setting the unachievable standard of “perfect” will result in a view that you have failed.  And in some cases, we punish ourselves for missing the mark of this impossible standard.  The outcome of always expecting perfection can be depression and anxiety as well as a paralyzing fear of failure.  All of these adverse reactions naturally will stop us from moving forward, taking on tasks, or accepting responsibilities out of fear that we can’t accomplish these things perfectly.

Ecclesiastes 7:20 tells us, “There is not a righteous person on earth who always does good and never sins.”  This Bible verse supports the idea that we aren’t perfect.

But why are we saying this?  Are we using this as a reason for declaring we are better than others?  “For me, it is ok to not be perfect because I have an excuse.”  Andy Stanley suggests, “If you’re a Christian, you can’t have an “I’m better than” attitude toward anyone because everybody is somebody for whom Jesus died.”

Or, are we saying this because we don’t want to admit we are wrong?  Is this what you mean when you use this saying? “You know something? You should just let me be mean, rude, and angry because, after all, Christians aren’t perfect.”  C.S. Lewis in his book The Great Divorce holds “A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on.”   To put this another way, if you aren’t perfect, that does not mean you don’t have to fix your mistakes.

In response to what situation would you use the phrase “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”?  When you have a disagreement with a coworker?  When you are rude to someone?  When a fellow driver honks at you because you cut him or her off when pulling onto the road?

It seems there are a host of more appropriate things to say. “You are right. That was mean. I am sorry. Or, that was selfish. I am sorry.  Or, I was wrong to say that, and I am sorry.”

We apologize and say I am sorry to show empathy.  That means we let the other person know that we understand our imperfection and that our lack of perfection has had an effect on the other person’s feelings.

As Mr. Lewis suggests, the first rule of saying I am sorry is to go to the root of the problem, amend it, and ensure there are no more future incidents of the same type.  Accepting that we aren’t perfect as well as realizing and apologizing when our imperfections offend, upset or wound another person will leave us with a healthier outlook on life as well as stronger relationships with others in our world.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 2:3-5

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.