No More

Did you watch football this Sunday?  Did you notice the “NO MORE” public service announcements (PSA)?  The NFL has been struggling with how to address the issue of players who were involved in domestic violence, so I guess the NFL put its money where its mouth is by running these PSA’s on their nickel.  Commissioner Roger Goodell estimated the value of the commercial time for only one weekend at about $3 million.  The mission of the NO MORE organization is to engage both men and women to help improve the conversation around domestic violence and sexual assault with the goal to end domestic violence and sexual assault.  So let’s take a few minutes and talk about domestic violence.

How do you answer these questions?

Do you ever bring home stresses from the workday?  Do you have a way to decompress and change your mind set before walking in the door after work?

Do you hide your emotions from your family and friends?  Do you let others see the feeling part of you, whether you’re crying over a loss, or celebrate an achievement, or something in between?  Do you think showing emotions is a weakness?

Do you lose control of your emotions? 

Do you know how your actions affect your kids?

Here are some thoughts for you Dads…

You Matter.  How you react as a Dad makes a big difference in your child’s life.  First, you need to respect yourself, so you can then show respect to the women and children in your life.

You are the Coach.  Part of your role as a Dad includes coaching your children on self- control.  This part of your job as a Dad includes training your children on the rules and ways to have self-control.  Building self-control skills starts early in life.  Your children will build their self-control on a foundation of respect for oneself and others as well as on an understanding about the importance of rules.

You are the role model.  Think back to when you were a kid; do you remember a shouting match, an outburst, or even physical violence by members of your family?  Did those times leave a negative impression on you?  Your children learn to handle their emotions based on what they witness.  This is especially true of how we handle anger.  Your children will imitate how they see you handle your anger, even after they are grown.

You can expect that your children will disobey and to do things that are careless.  Your wife will not always respond the way you want her to respond.  Yup, frustration is part of being a husband and a father.  The good news is your family does not control your actions; we are the ones who determine how we respond.  You goal is to find the inner strength to give a gentle answer, to be slow to anger, to control our strong  negative emotions before they drive us to something crazy.

You are accountable.  There is a clear connection between making good decisions and the feeling of being accountable.  This is where a strong support group comes into play.  Knowing that you will be talking about your life with a group of strong friends can help you make the right decision especially in tough circumstances.

Now you are saying that you are a committed dad and domestic violence isn’t even on your radar.  You can’t imagine hurting a child or a spouse.  But guaranteed, you know at least one other guy who is struggling in this area.  Maybe now is the time to invite a particular friend to meet with you regularly.  Your friend and his family as well can benefit from a friendly dose of support and encouragement.

And if you are a Mom, go through this article and replace the word Mom for Dad.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  Colossians 3:12-14  

Cheryl Gowin, and Dennis Gowin, Hope for Tomorrow Counseling Center.  Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.