Never Too Late for that Perfect Gift

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

What did you think about giving your spouse for a Valentine’s Day present?  Did you consider a hot air balloon ride over Kenya’s magnificent Masai Mara national reserve, just drifting on the winds watching the wonderings of the animals below?  Maybe you thought about a get away to the golden crescent beaches of Maui; a romantic walk on the beach, holding hands and watching the brilliant sunset.  Then there is always a short plane ride to NYC and dinner at Eleven Madison Park, the world’s best restaurant.  Of course, a dinner for two will cost around $1,000.  However, did a quick look at your checkbook bring you back to reality with none of these ideas fitting into your budget?  You know it is never too late for the perfect gift.  Have you considered a whole house rehab?

Hafez, the Persian poet, holds, “The words you speak become the house you live in.”  Can you describe the type of house in which you and your spouse live?  Would you like to give him or her a mansion?

Well, you can.  Following the advice of Hafez, make your gift to your spouse that you will praise him or her at least daily, once in public and once in private.  You will find this is a free gift that fits into any budget and it is one of the best investments you can make.  You will be amazed at the benefits you will get back from this very simple gesture.

Here are just a few of the benefits you will find.   

Have you ever noticed that when you receive praises, you find yourself repeating the behavior that generated the praise?  Don’t you praise your kids when they do something right because you want them to repeat the behavior?  Human nature is that praise creates a positive feeling that motivates us to repeat that action.

However, be aware that the opposite works also.  Making negatives your primary focus creates a negative force in any relationship.  This negative force can poison your relationship whether with a spouse, kids, colleagues, family, or friends.  Stay positive.  Recognize the good things and verbally, yes out-loud, confirm them.

Words are powerful tools to create or destroy.  Words can build up, or tear down.  Words also build muscle memory.  What you say, you will believe.  Why do you think companies spend millions on advertising?  They want you to hear only positive things about their product.  What is your advertising statement about your spouse?

We have a choice as we go through life.  We can notice the positive or stew on the negative.  Where do you want your focus?  Where does your spouse want your focus?

Encouragement is also a powerful force for good.  We all need positive reinforcement.  Your spouse has great qualities.  Are you in a rough patch in your marriage?  Are you having doubts about your spouse’s good qualities? Are you thinking, yeah, not my spouse?  Think back to when you met, what qualities attracted you to him or her.  Look closely to find those qualities again.  When you look, you might find others.  Is your spouse kind or considerate?  Does he take care of the car or yard?  Does he enjoy your cooking?  Does she have a nice laugh?  Is he or she good with the kids?  Endorse those qualities, and look for more.

So what makes this a good investment?  A failed marriage is a costly investment, which can be devastating.  A failed marriage can negatively affect family, friendships, job, finances, and emotional health.  Do you want to pay this cost? Daily affirmation, also, helps avoid these costs.

Daily affirming your spouse is a no cost way to protect your marriage.  Sounds like a good investment to me.  For the next 40 days of Lent, try praising your spouse at least twice a day, once in public and once in private.  On Easter Sunday, you will be able to add to this list of benefits I am sure.

The tongue can bring death or life;  those who love to talk will reap the consequences.  Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

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Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.