My Estate Sale, Creativity and Scowling

Lately I’ve been selling some stuff and I just noticed my inventory is down.  I’m really concerned. At the rate I’m going I think there is going to be a problem.  Not only that, several people have accused me of cleaning up.

When someone accuses me of “cleaning up” I expect it to be a reference to taking a profit, NOT making something neater.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

Last year when I attended an estate sale (and bought several items), I realized that when I die and when my bride Management puts my obituary in the newspaper she is going to sell all of my stuff.  The obit is already written and is just waiting for me to take that final step. It will read, “Averett is dead. Funeral and yard sale to be held ??/??/20??”

Now, keep in mind I don’t care if she sells my stuff after I’m room temperature. I won’t need it anymore. My concern is the folks like me who will attend the sale and get my great stuff cheap since I won’t be available to identify some of it.

So last year I decided to have some of my estate sale early instead of waiting until my vital ingredient is missing. That way I can have the enjoyment of selling it and Management won’t have to mess with it when I “shuffle off this mortal coil” as Hamlet put it.  Besides, this way I get to spend the money on more stuff. The problem is I’ve been spending the money on working on the house instead of restocking my inventory.

At this rate if I actually make it to the “three score and ten” (I already know I’m not going to get that “extra ten” bonus) I’ll run out of inventory unless I restock.  Then the yard will no longer be decorated with my attractive collection and my estate sale will be a bust. Not that I have anything against busts, in fact I like being against busts but I want my estate sale to be successful which means profitable. In order to accomplish that I need to be around to do it myself.

I have to admit that having my own estate sale can be a little painful.  Last week I had an accidental traffic jam at the house.  There were three cars of unrelated (that is unrelated to me. Several of them were related to each other.) people at the house at the same time.  Two were ready to buy. The problem was they both wanted the same thing, which was some of the I-beams that are waiting around for me to build a shop.  Nothing can be better than two people who want to buy the same thing at the same time. What hurt was the beams weren’t for sale.  After they all left I hadn’t made a single dollar. I hate it when that happens.

As I said, I’ve been working on the house, which I also need to be around to do myself.  I got some great interior paneling for the sun porch at my favorite price of free.  The only issue is it is random width which requires some creative design.  I am now on my fourth creative design. I think I’ve finally got it.

By the way, some folks call a sun porch a Florida room. In Florida they call them a lanai which means  Hawaii room. In Hawaii they probably call it something like a Florida room.

It has been great working on a project that is inside the house but out of Management’s way.  I finished the first wall – sat and scowled at it for a while – took it down – scowled at it – took it down – scowled some more – took it down and finally got it right.

Another week or so of scowling at the window trim and I should get that right also.

It seems I’ve finally found something I’m good at. Scowling.