Liars, Sinners and Other Honest Folks

   Written by on August 28, 2014 at 12:11 pm

The New York Times just published an article on Michael Brown titled “Brown Was No Angel.”  I know this will come as a surprise to you but neither was I.  The issue is why hasn’t the Times ever done an article on me and the rest of you who weren’t angels?

It makes me want to walk up to Main street and line up the saints on the right and the sinners on the left. I suspect the right will be pretty dull and probably vacant. Well, maybe not. I’ve noticed there are quite a few of my old friends who have selective amnesia and who have forgotten our teenage years.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

I hear them fussing about “kids today.” When I attempt to spark their memories they are adamant they weren’t there.  They weren’t at the skinny dippings, they weren’t at the parties, they weren’t anywhere they weren’t supposed to be.

They didn’t drink or smoke or use drugs or stay out late. They didn’t chase boys or girls or even hold hands before marriage.  At least that is the story they are telling today.

All I can say is—well, let’s just say either they consumed something that impaired their memories or I have enhanced memories.

I’m going to revise my lineup on Main Street.  Sinners on the left and liars on the right. Some of them are going to have a tough time deciding on which side they belong.  Any way you go there will be quite a few of us on the left.

Way back in my pre-Management days I once introduced a lady friend to an elderly friend. Now, usually friends will say nice things. This lady, as soon as we got the “pleased to meetcha’s” out of the way, went straight into an assessment of my character. I was shocked. Shocked and appalled. What kind of a friend would give a lady friend an honest assessment of my character?

“You know he is a rogue?” was the first question.  Then things got awkward.  Finally as the visit was winding down, she (the elderly one) got really ugly. “You know,” she said, “rogues and scoundrels make the best husbands. You just have to tame them down a little bit.” How did the husband bit come into the conversation?

Although my bride Management wasn’t a party to the discussion (besides, she was just a kid at that time) I suspect she may have followed that advice.

Almost a hundred years or so ago one of my favorite writers, Robert Service, wrote a poem titled “?”.

In it he describes two women.  The poem ends with ”Which of the two would you choose, I wonder, the stolid saint or the sparkling sinner?”

All I can say is Saint I ain’t.

Leave a Reply