Lesson from the Big Shots

   Written by on November 27, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Here in imaginary Stump County we’ve taken a lesson from the big shots in Rich City and Washingtown. Stump County needed some more money to put gravel on the roads, clean out the town wells and some other public works projects.

logo-stump countyNobody was willing to spend their own money and the politicians were afraid to raise taxes. It turns out that the politicians have figured out that half of the adults are working, making money and paying taxes to support the other half who aren’t doing anything except waiting for a government handout.

Anyway, raising taxes will cost them votes from the workers and cutting handouts will cost them votes from the drones.

They were going to try to tax illegal aliens since they can’t vote but Stump County only has one illegal. His name is Manuel Labor and he can’t do it all by himself. Besides Manuel does day work for half the folks in town and if he has to pay taxes we are going to have to pay him more; it just won’t work.

It turns out that the only folks in Stump County who can’t vote are the kids. So Officer Bustah Butts was appointed to Income Reducing Service or IRS for short. He went around and collected every piggy bank in town. The kids were pretty upset but like the President’s plan for the nation, “What the heck, those brats can’t vote anyway.”

So, the piggy banks brought in enough money to pay Manuel to haul gravel from the creek and fix the worst of the potholes and clean out the town well. The Politicians thought it worked so well they came up with a better plan.

They borrowed something like 784 dollars and set it up so the kids would have to pay it back. Remember, “those brats can’t vote and we’ll be out of office by the time they realize what we’ve done to them.”

They are also working on a bailout plan for the Wooden Brothers Wagon Works. The Wagon Works hasn’t sold a wagon since they decided they wanted to build those huge Borax wagons like they use out west. They are great wagons but here in Stump County we want buckboards, hay wagons and manure spreaders. Besides, those big wagons take eight horses to pull them. There ain’t but one family in the whole county with eight horses and one of those is crippled and two are just foals. If they would build something we could use at a price we could afford they would have all of the work they need.

We just read in our local newspaper, the Sneezeville Sentinel, that Luther Ledbetter was just arrested for running a Ponzi scheme. This isn’t Luther’s first brush with the law. Luther is one of those liberal folks who thinks the Gov’mit can do everything better than anyone else and he tries to copy.

Well, Luther watched the State sell likker and then he set up a still and they arrested him. Next he set up a little storefront lottery and they arrested him. This time he set up a little business based on Social Insecurity where he was paying investors with the money from new investors, and wouldn’t you know it, they arrested him again.

They say Luther is looking at serving hard time for this one. Luther says whatever the Gov’mit does is fine with him. He tries so hard to do exactly what they do. He just can’t figure out what he is doing wrong.

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